heh ok this is gonna be one random post...but then again, most of mine are. haha.
anyway, so was thinking while i was taking a nice hot shower just now how good it felt. and it decided i'm compile a list of things i absolutely love just for the joy of it! haha as adrian said just now "not everything can be rationally explained. sometimes it just is. like how Jesus loves us just because..." :)

ok so here goes.

i love....

• waking up before my alarm goes off at like 4am or so and realizing i can go back to sleep some more - pure bliss i say. haha been doing that a lot the last 2 nights tho..dont know why. but i'm not complaining :)
• a great cup of coffee
• even better, waking up to the smell of coffee brewing (already a smile creeps up on my face at the thought..haha its the perfect way to start the day)
• rainy days when i'm indoors
• great smelling people - haha if u know me well enough, i'm HUGE about how pple smell. heh and i always do a double take when guys have a dash of cologne on. *grin*
• being driven - haha my license is purely for functional purposes. i'd rather be driven ard any given day
• lights! i adore pretty lamps, hanging lights and anything lit basically..haha
• great conversations coz i make sense of things by talking them out and listening to people :)
• Christmas!!!!

ok i should stop at 10...haha u should try coming up with 10 things u love! haha it's therapeutic i tell u. and just reminds u of how blessed u are :) realized i got 6 out of 10 today. heh maybe that explains why i'm all happy. haha don't come up with all the politically correct answers. that takes the fun out of it. haha go try!

ok some new resolves here.

1. cut down my time on msn and other related time eating monsters
2. begin to study in school more - haha i resent this a fair bit but i know that i really do need to learn to enjoy it more coz it'll become a necessity in time so i might as well begin to embrace it now. haha
3. really, honestly, seriously get down to speaking more chinese - spoke to kenny yday during our honors class lunch @ munchies abt working at Fei Yue and he was saying a pre-req is a strong command of spoken chinese...sigh so yes. i have to do it now. haha so hansel and kenny are suppose to speak to me in chinese from now on...except that hansel keeps laughing at me. but oh well...he's really not the only one now is he? haha

ok i have a few more things that i need/wanna get down to doing but let's just start with 3 eh? haha they really may not seem like a big deal to most people but these really are 3 biggies for me.

oh, n i was reading clydia's support letter and it really encouraged me as she wrote about her relentless journey to discover who God desired for her to be, more than what He desired for her to do. i'm somewhere along that journey too....guess we all are, just how conscious we are of that.

haha ok i just had to put this up coz its hilarious. kel and i in our 2 person club - WUG.

went to see Dhoby off this morning with Kel and a bunch of his church friends and well technically going-aways aren't good things and they don't often spell good starts...but this one is and does.

lingered in the airport (no, not like in the Terminal. tho there were these men collecting and pushing the trolleys into the arrival hall which made me think of Tom Hanks. haha) and settled in a niiice plush sofa seat at Pacific Coffee :) had looovely music which drew me into a slightly pensive mood but good music nonetheless, and a yummy drink.

anyway, took the rest of the morning off to have my personal retreat and it was a really good time of slowing down and taking time to be still and listen and seek and connect with God. i think the most amazing thing about it was how i was led to grab Ordering your Private World with me just before i left the house. (yes, i've said for awhile now abt how i shd get down to reading it but i haven't until today. in fact, i've had it in my drawer since Dhoby returned it like a mth ago? haha) anyway, so i got down to reading it and i hadn't even made it thru the Forward when i realized this book was exactly what i needed to be reading. then the PReface nailed it and now i'm hooked. there's just SO much truth in this book and it's SO relevant tho the pages are all yellow and brown at the edges. everything i've read spoke directly to things i've had questions about and been praying about and i felt my spirit quicken within me coz i knew this was one of those books tt u know will leave u changed when ur done. i really can't put it in words...but yah. i'm always left amazed and in awe when God speaks so clearly :) so i'm excited. and finally, what i know in my head about how being apart is good and all is slowing beginning to be internalized as God leads me on this journey.

so yup...i'm off to a good start. Number one thing i've committed to memory: Beward of the barrenness of a busy life. haha

and on top of that, i'm part of a new club which well...consists of just kel and i for now. hahaha

i've decided that i need to slow down.

really.

i've always thought the way i live my life is normal - u know, maximise the time each day by packing each appointment back to back. so i go to great extents to ensure that i have just enough time to do as much as i can. take today for example: went to school, looked for my lecturer, met qing for lunch before she flies off on friday, rushed off for tuition after, met kel real quick to buy stuff, met angela to get a lift to church, then finally made it to church by 8pm for H&D.

so that's normally how my schedule is on a day to day basis. but things slightly messed up today which kinda derailed me for a bit. was something minor really but it made me realize how God is really good coz i almost always get away with help of some kind. (thanks farand, i owe u!)

and so in the brief brief brief moments i was with kel running around cold storage, i was sms-ing, trying to figure out how to get myself out of my mess and get to church on time, make sure we got all we needed and in the midst of all of that, i realized i really wasn't there in the moment. i was just kinda like functioning on autopilot mode. and so in the car, kel made a good point about how i'm too busy and i need to slow down and really be taking time off to be alone and be still to pray about things the next few months.

heh well actually i'd planned to do that during the hols but that has come and gone and it's not done. i haven't reprioritized and slowed down. and i guess i never really got down to doing it coz there was no real impetus to do so. but i guess it's really time to do so. up to this point in my life, it has seemed pretty ok (or at least not bad?) to be exhausted at the end of the day after i've functioned at maximum capacity to be physically, emotionally and spiritually in tune at each moment of the day. but i'm beginning to realize that at some point, and even now, it's not just about me. and things have got to change. but i really don't know how or what. sigh.

it's been quite a weekend and a day.

watched the fairfield musical at the last minute coz we got complimentary tix and while i scoffed at some of it and had a haaard time containing my laughter at some portions, i left with a warm fuzzy feeling inside me. haha din think i would...surely din anticipate that i would, but what came thru ohsoclearly at the end was really how the students really are given excellent chances to be groomed and to be someone special. saw some of my students on stage and they may not have played major roles but i was so proud of them. haha was kinda strange especially since i'm not that close to any of them or anything. so tho my relief teaching stint this time round was short, it was memorable nonetheless. haha i'm amazed at how quickly i form attachments sometimes. bumped into joel whom i taught 4 yrs ago and he's all grown now! and i bumped into jed on the train today and he's all grown too! haha so its a bittersweet kinda feeling coz they're all grown now and doing so well which makes me happy but i miss the days when i actually saw them everyday in their fairfield uniform :)

had cg on sunday and it was just 6 of us coz the rest cldn't come for various reasons. and while i cherished the cosyness of the group and how it facilitates sharing, i really do miss cg when we were one huge group. saddens me that the group dynamics are not as...dynamic as they used to be b4 but i am glad to see how various ones are stepping up to the plate and being willing to serve and actually doing it now tho. so its somewhat bittersweet.

met dhoby for coffee today and had a great time doing random things and having a nice long chat over coffee...but he's leaving in a week which is of course good but yah..

and the chi girls begin to depart once again...sheena first...then ana...then lish...

good times always have to come to an end eh?

ok this pensiveness has to stop. haha

i'm always amazed at how God networks. haha He has this strange way of bringing people together that they may sharpen and build one another up as they walk thru similar situations. i mean how often do u find pple in the same phase of life a yourself such that u can laugh at each other (or sometimes laugh to yourself at yourself as you perfectly identify with what the person just said), answer each others' questions, know and can really empathize with how to much agony/confusion/frustration the person faces and be able to uphold him/her in prayer thereafter?

so i'm real thankful for people going thru the same season of life as i am. God sure knows we all need companions as "directional signs" along the way :)

and i think this quote neatly explains what i'm learning at this point. it's week 1 of school and already i know its gonna be one crazy sem and there's no way i can do it on my own.

Perhaps one reason God delays His answers to our prayers is because He knows we
need to be with Him far more than we need the things we ask of Him.

-- Ben Patterson

After what seems like forever, i finally watched a movie! haha can't even remember what i last watched...walk the line?! nah there must have been something else after that but i can't rem what. anyway, that's besides the point. haha what is, is that i watched Click last nite at the old Cathay with Lav :)

Wasn't as great a show as everyone else said it was but it did make me think and realize that I need to prioritize my family and stop taking them for granted. heh i'd admit to crying at the part where he flashed back to the last time he saw his dad before he died and how he ignored him coz i've done that before..like the whole i'mtoobusynowican'ttalktoyou thing. and i know that i clam up when i'm stressed out and don't communicate much at all and can be a grump when i'm under a lot of pressure and all this only shows to my family. so while i'm more careful to not do it any more, i occasionally lapse into that and i wanna be even more conscious of it now and not do it anymore coz it sucks. it's horrible. or rather, i am.

Then i realized too how blessed i am to have the father that i do. He's always put the family first, never kept late nights or brought home work as far as possible, always been available when i needed him to be, can't remember him ever saying things like "go away/not now, i'm too busy" or anything like that and he's always told me that he loves me and is proud of me and he shows it. so what more could i possibly ask for right? I really should be more grateful than i am! heh i'm beyond blessed for a father who prays for me all the time, who puts it down in his monthly planner when we're suppose to do our father-daughter dates, who wakes up ridiculously early to send me to Fairfield when i'm teaching and who buys me strawberries all the time coz he knows i like them. haha..so while i've spent much of the last week being pissed at how he's anal about things like what time i come home and all, i've been blind to all this other stuff for so long.

heh yup ok...so this is us when we finally got the birthday girl :) this is jac's costume change no 4 btw. haha
this was our impromtpu costume change no. 2 for her. doesn't she just look lovely in her sari?

ok then here are the bedfellows, andrew and dhoby.

haha oh and dhoby's attempt to prove that he is capable of taking self portraits tho err...i've no chin and i look like the waiter's playing frisbee behind me. haha

on the contrary, here's yet another of lav's perfect shots. hahaha

and of course there were some serious moments that night as well...

ahhh and here u have the perfect threesome. haha we haven't taken one of these in awhile eh girls? wanted to do another coz i'm covered by their hair but oh well...jac got whisked off somewhere else for more photos i think. haha

and finally, here's all of us again! :)

ohhhh it's monday. it's also week 1 of AY06/07/ which means school officially starts today! *groan*
but i don't start till tmr : ) haha so one more day to stall for time. monday's off are the best way to start a week i say.

anyway, last week was so much fun that it makes starting school that much harder. heh the inertia to get off my ass to plunge into the demands of school is amazing.

let's see now...
Mon
went to teach : ) fun as usual. amazingly slack so i got to work on my own stuff then teach an hour and then have lunch with adrian for like 2 hrs and get paid $65 nonetheless : ) met Lav soon after then headed home for dinner

Tues
Went swimming and had breakfast with the folks then headed to sch. went sari shopping for jac's bday present then had dinner. haha now that REALLY was like being back in india....sigh. watched fireworks wih Lav and Dhoby after and got to meet kel and CorrinE :) had a thought provoking conversation with lav when we got back tho it was late and erm....yah. haha made me think lah.

Wed
lounged ard at home...set my alarm at 9.30PM instead of am and so i ended up waking up at noon! which really wasn't the plan since i was suppose to meet farand for bfast..haha but sleeping in was nice. was exhausted anyway. haha oh. and today was the only day this wk that i din meet lav but dhoby made an interesting observation: "well she was the first person u called when u woke up and then u girls had yet another long conversation in the evening so it's almost as if u girls met anyway!" heh what can i say? she's my no. 1 priority rite? ahahaha (tho she almost was removed from that spot the night b4. heh)

Thurs
had a long long day but had a mani/pedi appointment with lav to look forward to in the evening and it was lovely. haha 4 hours of pampering and pretty nails after :) and then as usual, had a really good converstion with her later which helped me sort out things in my head somewhat. thanks babe. really. :)

Fri
went to teach then rushed to sch to meet dr ng and use dhoby's lib card. heh made him bring home my books coz they were too heavy to lug ard with me the rest of the day. met toille after at Sub...was suppose 2 be CTM with nat too but erm...due to last min changes...haha that din quite work out.
met dhoby again later for drinks at TCC which was nice. i think talking about convoluted things sorts them out. difficult to begin but yah...was good lah. otherwise i'd have chickened out as usual. ahaha. met lav and andrew after and it was tons of fun as it always is when the 4 of us end up together. heh

Sat
went to jac's 21st bday which really was like her wedding. haha swanky venue, costume changes, toasts, all the wining and dining...haha yah i'm sure u can imagine. photos up later : ) was a long long night but an enjoyable one too. oh! and it was hilarious as we made our way to chijmes! lav's family was going to a cousin's christianing dinner and so we headed out together on took the train. heh so lav and i and charmaine were in black and then there was aunty maria and claudia in punjabi suits. heh and everyone on the train was kinda staring at us, trying to figure out how this strange combination of people worked. heh i must ahve looked like the adopted chinese daughter i think!

Sun
churchchurchchurch.
heh actually i had a really good time with my cg. was only 5 of us but had 2 bouts of good, honest sharing with them. was short but a good start. :) was in bed by 11pm coz again, i was exhausted.


haha so yeah....long week of random events but basically, it was teaching, working on my ism, spending time at home, and spending time with lav just about everday. haha and with dhoby and andrew too :) so now...school begins. haha but at least there's Click tmr to look forward to! hahaha

as promised some time back, pictures from Ballet under the Stars : )

pre-BUTS...
one of lav's classic take-my-own photo shots that as always, looks amazing : ) while she insists its the camara, i say it's skill : ) and i must say that andrew looks young and fresh! haha

lav and i actually looking decent in a photo andrew took. shall not even put up the multiple blury shots he took to prove my point. haha


ok and here's andrew just fooling around. really. it's nothing. i put it up just coz it's hilarious, esp lav's follow up comment. grin. haha.

oh boo.

so i've always detested the library but as of today, i'm convinced it's a doublesided affair.
haha everything, and i mean everything, that could have gone wrong did lah. from being unable to borrow books using dhoby's card to almost having to rewrite a form coz i filled it up in red (can u believe how anal they are?!) to having the books i put on hold removed b4 i picked them up tho i had till today and yah...hiyah it makes me grumpy just talking/typing about it. haha the list goes on - trust me.

but i also realize that i'm doomed to spend a whole lotta time in the library this yr coz i'll just have to. its always kinda been my life goal to not enter the lib more than 5 times per sem if i can help it. i'd go as far as spending an entire day there to get ALL my stuff and doing as many things as i can while i'm there so i don't have to do it again for a long long time. i'd rather lug home 10 books then go back the next day. haha but, as it is, school hasn't officially started and i've already spent 2 full days there.

how like that?!

i need to find a way to actually look forward to going and spending time in the library quick or i may go insane before the sem's over and before i actually start working on my thesis. heh so..does anyone have anything to offer on how i may actually forge a more amicable r/ship with the library? i'm serious. haha lav has suggested looking forward to the aircon. but tt doesn't cut it for me. there are way too many alternatives ard sch. haha but we conceded tt it's hard for one who doesn't like smt much herself to be promoting it. so...help puhleeaaseeee...

haha this is post worthy. quote of the night:

heh so at our high T session on Sat, farand decided tt we shd take a group shot since we actually don't have one. we were missing quite a few people tho. anyway, the last one i remember having was this:
haha see how we've all aged??? but i think most of us look better. hahaha

and we took this at Sentosa while waiting for the other groups to come back..this is say...1/4 of Basic? heh
and this is about 1/3 of Basic. wait...my math fails me. heh so don't trust my estimation.

anyway, i miss Basic!!!

big ngoh, thanks for the photos. : ) ripped them off ur flickr website. heh

heh so this was taken at our last clan outing...
those missing and wanted at our next meeting: Limmie, Sam Lim, Marcus Lim, Beryl Lim, Mrs Lim-to-be (heh now that would apply to all 4 guys there as well as sam and marci but of course it's more relevent to some : ) )

heh but of course, since it was a school nite when we met, only the more senior lims gathered. heh we'll do another during the hols k? : )

oh and jie made a brilliant suggestion! we shd be grouped according to our clans for youth camp..and for pple like farand and danial tai and other individuals (literally), u guys can form the chapalang group. hahaha kidding.

i hate the fact that people rarely get second chances when they screw up.
but then i have to take that back. because in the grand scheme of things, usually many chances are given but not seized, until it's too late. and that's when things come crashing down. and we want second chances. but we don't necessarily get them.

it sucks. and it makes me feel really bummed out.

but thankfully God doesn't count how many chances He's given us before deciding whether we're worthy of yet more grace and forgiveness and love. and He alone moves the heart of men to grant mercy and grace so not all's lost. second chances do exist, though possibly not always in the way we'd like them.

didn't intend to post anything coz it's been a massively long day. but figured i'd do something constructive since i'm waiting for my hair to dry. heh

wasn't sure exactly what i wanted to capture from my day but i think that once again, my blog title sums it up. Declaration of dependence. You know, I sometimes wish things weren't so complicated and less thinking and praying and waiting and submission were required. But God doesn't always allow us to slack off and take the easier route. I mean sure...there's always that option, but you also always know that taking the easier route just doesn't measure up and sucks in comparison in the long (or even medium) run coz it's a far far cry from being in the center of God's will. So yah...even as I choose to walk in obedience, as scary and uncertain as the road ahead is, I can walk on in faith and trust that when i'm abiding and fully dependent of my Father, that i'm in good, safe hands. Though i know cognitively that walking in the center of God's will is the safest place to be, it doesn't always feel like the most splendid place to be. So yah...time and time and time again i have to remind myself to keep my eyes firmly fixed on Christ, the author and perfecter of my faith.

I sometimes wish i were a fly. heh coz you know, they're always attracted to the light and instinctively fly to it! Wish I fixed my eyes on Christ as instinctively and naturally too! haha but oh well...I guess the bright side (heh) to things is that I don't get zapped and die when i'm drawn to the Light : ) ok this is possibly the lamest post i've posted. must be the company i've been in today. haha as usual, dhoby and andrew propel me to a new level whenever i'm with them. For example:

why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
coz he's a fun-gi.

haha ok it's really really time for bed. looooong day ahead tmr.

heh cluster outing was fun!!

had our cluster outing tonite and we played laser quest and had a nice long dinner. haha laser quest was a whole lotta fun and running and laughing and screaming (ok, just the girls) and yah...haha good fun basically. It was guys against girls and though we didn't kick ass like we had obviously dreamt of doing so we could rub it in for eternity, we had heaps of fun nonetheless! heh and i came in 3rd!! not bad eh? hahaha but according to the guys, it's coz i'm smaller so harder to find me. lalalala whatever lah. heh

ohgollyme i'm oh so thankful! : )

finally decided on my ISM topic and had it approved by my superviser.
heh and i managed to catch Dr Ngiam, who's almost never in his office, and he said that he's most likely be able to take me for me thesis! : )

but what's amazing about these two biggies is how for yonkers I've been stuck in a rut. I've refused to compromise and just do any topic for the sake of clearing my requirements or for academic purposes alone. I wanted to wait it out until I found something suitable, something I'm passionate about, and an area in which reserch would be tangibly beneficial to the people I'm doing research on. But the thing is, topics don't just fall from heaven. or so i thought.

Read Defining Moments yday, the 40 day fast guide, and it was about asking God to give us a burden for our country and its people and it further challenged readers to take ownership of issues God lays upon our heart. And so as I prayed and asked God to show me again why I've been called to social work and what He wants me do for my research this year...and the pieces began to come together. He brought to mind unwed mothers, the rising abortion rates, the youth of our generation, the lack of support and services, the lack of second chances, how family policy ain't inclusive enough, how i want a go at policy related issues before i embark on my thesis...

and so my ISM topic was drafted by the end of yesterday afternoon and approved this afternoon. : )My superviser likes my topic but told me straight up it's not gonna be easy. That thought hadn't crossed my mind, though it really should have actually. Anyhow, her comment was like another piece that fell into place coz it's interesting how Defining Moments particularly cautioned against opposition and hardship. Heh, not that Dr Ng's cautioning is opposition but I expect this semester to be a toughie. Nonetheless, i'm humbled and delighted again at how God does speak. and how God has revealed what's on His heart. and how i know that God indeed has called me to something more than just fulfilling university requirements : )

and so, slowly but surely, God is writing on my blank piece of paper as i wait upon Him : )