declaration of dependence

Saturday, September 30, 2006

heh i think that the best birthday wishes come from people you don't quite expect to hear it from :)
lav called to wish me a few minutes ago and then she passed the phone on to claudia!! lav was saying that claudia bugged her to call me before she went out so she could speak to me coz she had seen lav wrap my present the night before and wanted to wish me happy birthday. and i know it's a huge achievement for claudia coz the other times she wanted to call the boys, she would back out, squeal in laughter and run away whenever dhoby or andrew's voice came on. haha so i think having lil fiesty claudia call has sealed the day to be a good one. then aunty maria spoke to me for a bit too and i thot it was real sweet of her :) heh i think you know there's something special about a friendship when it's shared with your friend's family too :)

and eunice ends here :

- 11:09 AM

Friday, September 29, 2006

ok i'm tired. really tired.

haven't felt this drained in awhile. while i'm thankful for how all my interviews fell into place and appointments were neatly lined up...i'm oh-so-tired. the last 3 days have zapped me more than i thought they wld with project meetings then interviews then tuition or church or some permutation of that. heh essentially, it's the end of mid-sem break, i've barely started on my indiv paper (haven't even read half my research papers!!), i've yet to transcribe my interviews, i've yet to fix up 2 more interviews, i've yet to come up with the consent forms for our research proj, i've yet to upload articles for advanced family therapy, i've yet to prepare or even think abt my HT presentation....ok the list could go on...heh as SQ wld say...after this whining i cld do with some cheese. heh *rolls eyes*

heh been really quiet once i get home coz i've talked so much at meetings and interviews and tuition and all that i just don't feel like talking anymore when i get home. haha and i feel bad. esp since my folks have been most understanding. ok time to pull myself together and trudge on. i know i'm stressed up when i'm constantly thinking abt my list of things to do when i'm not doing work...for e.g. when i'm at the gym, when i'm on the train, when i'm waiting for someone/something to happen, when i'm showering...think tt's why i end up feeling drained coz my brain's working overtime. haha

am gonna slot out time to do my personal retreat today. i need it. otherwise i'm gonna degenerate further and be a full-time grump. haha ok shower, work, meet amu and mich, hide out somewhere nice and have my retreat then meet the family for dinner at some north indian restaurant :) heh oddly, really oddly, i'm not psyched abt birthday celebrations this yr...maybe coz there's just so much work and things to do on my mind. bah.

and eunice ends here :

- 10:24 AM

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

heh ok i just had to post this coz i'm so so so incredibly thankful and i need to share it! haha

realized that the first round of research articles i'd found and printed didn't cut it and most of them couldn't be used for my advanced research module individual paper. so i had to look for new stuff. then realized that i can't get them printed any time soon coz my printer at home is down and i dont have time to head down to school till friday earliest tho i really need to get started on my paper. then gerard offers to print them all in school tonite and meet me at gombak to pass them to me on his way home.

but when it rains, it pours rite? so i didnt manage to send them to him on time coz of some irritating error and i started panicking coz i had a ton more to print but he had to go. but he was so sweet and patient and helped me out a ton to send them to print from his laptop and all.

then realized later that some of the documents didn't get sent to him still and i was left with 4 crucial articles tt i hadn't printed. then sulwyn offers to help me print them and pass them to me later when we go for our little destressing walk. and the walk was an answered prayer too coz i need a short time-out coz the last few hours have been nuts. haha

and i realized i need to record my interviews tmr and thurs but forgot to borrow andrew's md player like i did the last time for my other interviews! haha but farand saves the day and lends me his creative. phew. and coz i'm meeting sul, she can pass me his charger too making the transaction complete. haha

heh ok it looks like i'm one big mess eh. man i suck.
but ok, i'm just waaaay thankful for these lovely people in my life. thank you God for reminding me to look to U and not panic and for providing people to help!! haha my lifesavers...hmmm reminds me of the tube of sweets called Lifesavers. heh used to loooove them but they don't sell them here i think. heh ok random note there.

anyway, i'm just thankful thru and thru.

oh! and i managed to get one more interview for my ism set up! woohooo! haha and hopefully there's one more on the way! i live by grace alone.

and eunice ends here :

- 5:26 PM

"Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised." Hebrews 10: 35-36

think this sums up quite a bit of what God's been repeatedly saying. first thru Pastor Ivan's sermon then thru smt else which i forget now...oh cg! haha that's right...and then again thru this morning's qt. the verses that come before vs 35 are crucial too coz then it sets the context for the trust referred to in vs 35. it's not just belief in God, but it's a steadfast trust in Him.

but yah...essentially...patient endurance. in waiting, in seeking, in trusting, in doing, in listening, in quietness. realized i'm back into "wait mode" again haha. with my research - waiting for agencies to get back to me, with my cg - praying and letting God work, with writing and work - waiting upon God to pull thru and grant me tt inspiration i definitely need every time i write, with other decisions, big and small. heh so patient endurance and confident trust it is :) to not shrink back instinctively but to allow God to work thru the very things that hurt and cause us distress and push our hot buttons. i'm learning. and so is my cg :) press on guys. praying for each of u.

and eunice ends here :

- 12:09 PM

Monday, September 25, 2006

it's been a day of pleasant surprises! :)
can't believe my mid-sem break's slipping thru my fingers already tho!

let's see...today: proj meeting, meet dr ngiam, tuition...
tues: my only free day to get cracking on that 15pg research paper
wed: proj meeting at gerard's place, interview at kovan, H&D in church at night
thurs: meeting at highpoint in the morning, tuition in the evening, possibly meet the girls at nite?
fri: oooh my only other free day to make like amazing progress on my research paper and figure out my ism and my thesis presentation..haha then family dinner at some north indian restaurant....grin.
sat: plan bs, work hopefully, cousin's 21st bday party, meet lav and edmund at nite?
sun: churchchurchchurch

heh so there my mid-sem break is over in a poof. and that's what it looks like now. haven't added in the other interviews i hope to set up for my ism, the other meetings tt may pop up, and well..i probably can forget abt catching up with my readings and meeting up with pple...haha

ok grump not i shall. haha at least i was pleasantly greeted with some surprises today : ) met some of my ex-students at kap today which was nice and strangely heartwarming, esp to see sean! haha didn't get to talk to him coz he just called me as he was leaving, waved, smiled, then shyed away in usual sean-style. haha some things don't change and it's oooooooh so endearing. remembered him last in his fairfield shorts and baggy school shirt..now he's all grown up in his AC uniform! haha so cute. oh, and i got ur card dhoby! heh so despite being 16 timezones away, ur not laggy afterall! 5 days early in fact! haha thanks :)

ok workworkwork.

oh and i wish jonathan had won!!!!! haha oh well. strange seeing "frankie" win. haha

and eunice ends here :

- 9:52 PM

Saturday, September 23, 2006

heh i've kinda been cooking! made lunch yday and dinner tonite..well coz mommy was rushing out lah and she insisted on me having a homecooked meal so i made my own meals! kinda cheaterbug tho coz she marinated all the food and left them in the fridge so i just had to make dump it into the soup, add in noodles/rice and vege and an egg...and i've got a ban mian-ish meal! :) haha ok lah...small steps but hey! at least i've started! it's kinda fun actually...heh

oh and andrew called from melb...i've decided that we're a telepathic bunch. heh msged him yday and lav had just msged him b4 tt and he was saying how he'd just been thinking of us that morning! haha so he called tonite to chat which was nice :) can't believe this boy will be gone for a month more!! and lav....he's got a service appt with 2 huge beds with horse-drawn carriages tt trot by his room and the invitation's still ooopen! hahaha

and eunice ends here :

- 8:19 PM

you know..sometimes God's ways are really hard to understand and to accept. and we can never quite grasp them. and sometimes, all i can do is believe that He's in control. seems feeble at times but when you know God, you can somehow trust His ways.

went out to do CT last night with my CG and as we came together for a time of corporate worship and prayer, it was truly awesome. was really tired coz i'd rushed down from school and didn't quite feel up to door-knocking with a huge smile plastered on my face...but as i came into God's presence...i was refreshed and the excitement grew as we humbled ourselves before God and asked Him to use us. and so door-knocking we went. toille and i. and to our surprise, everyone we met was friendly and really nice! and we were in turn encouraged. some people didn't wanna take the mooncakes and lanterns but i could see the surprise on their faces as we came smiling and left smiling, wishing them well despite being turned away. and so as toille and i sat down to pray together for each household we visited after we were done, there was this hope and joy that grew within me. and i realized that these little gestures that we were doing as a church in reaching out to our community was God's way of showing His awesome love for people who don't know Him. and suddenly, this quote made so much sense.

If you want to see God's power at work, you must get out of the church and into the world. Watch the extravagant lengths which God will go to reveal Himself to people who don't know Him. Then you will learn how truly awesome our God is.
-- Author Unknown

then heard that this young boy whom my mom has been spending a lot of time with passed away quite suddenly this morning. he'd been fighting cancer for awhile now but his passing was still rather sudden. but as i asked my mom abt how she got to know him and his family, i learnt that it was through his older sister. she had attended the tuition prog run by my parents' church and they eventually found out abt this girl's family situation and so they began reaching out to her family who lived nearby. so a couple of ladies began to help this family in various ways and i really saw them go all out to support them and as i look back on their acts of service, the selfless amount of time and support they showed this boy and his family, God indeed has gone to extravagant lengths to show Himself to this family. so although this boy's passing saddens, God's awesome love shines thru ever so strongly. the pain's real, but so is God's love.

and eunice ends here :

- 2:40 PM

Friday, September 22, 2006

oh boo. today's miss chindia day. haha like big time.

don't know why but i suddenly miss the gang! and mid-sem break doesn't feel like mid-sem break w/o going away.

ok done whining. shall go back to reading "reading reserch reports" and "reading and critiquing research manuscripts". haha maybe that's why i miss them so and feel like i need a holiday?

and eunice ends here :

- 12:05 PM

Thursday, September 21, 2006

it's been one long long long weekend. wait. it's quite far past the weekend. haha i don't know. my concept of time is all messed up somehow. but basically..one thing after another has cropped up and i've ended up having to firefight alot since saturday. but it's awesome and humbling how God works. i thank God for His grace and mercies that are new every morning, literally. i thank God for His strength, for wisdom, for discernment. i thank God for how He sees all things and knows all things and how He prepares me for each situation/crisis that comes a-knocking. i thank God for peace that transcends all understanding. i thank God for the gentle and quiet spirit He's developing in me despite the craziness. i thank God for sustaining me and for using me. indeed there's no better place than to be in the center of His will, available for His use however He leads. i've never felt more joyful serving Him than i do now tho it's not been this demanding and challenging in a long time...haha in fact, i've just realized a pattern! whenever i'm leading alone and have no one but God to depend on, He stretches me the most and causes me to depend on Him solely. wow.

*sits here in wonder and amazement for a moment*

haha ok. i think i cld do that forever. but anyway, on a slightly different note, heh...i have new sunglasses!! haha decided that after a long draining evening, i deserved to "reward" myself and bought myself these greeaat looking pair of sunglasses. hahaha. cost me quite a bit and i can't rem when i last bought smt tt pricey somewhat on impulse..but well, kor said tt i shd invest in a good uv protected pair this morning. and so....i did. haha and i managed to convince them to drop the price from $220 to $90 coz it was the last pair and i was the last customer and coz....i smiled a whole lot at them? hahaha and the best part is, i managed to semi-psycho the one who suggested i invested in a good pair of shades to foot the bill. ahahaha wasn't 100% susccessful but he said he'd pay for half and it'd be my birthday present. i think that works out nicely :)

and eunice ends here :

- 11:18 PM

and eunice ends here :

- 11:18 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

gasp. another cookie he brings home. haha but it's lost some of its novelty lah. also coz there's no more milk. heh ok random comment.

oh.
can't quite believe mid-sem break's next wk alr. means the deadlines are round the corner!!
can't believe that i've not touched any of my readings the last 5 weeks coz i've been so preoccupied with my ISM and thesis.
can't believe i've not gotten any of my 8 articles for my advanced research individual paper but i'm not worried or fretting tho i shd get down to it.
can't believe there's so much going on with my cg suddenly but i'm calm and peaceful.

haha i'm not complaining. just in slight surprise at myself. then again...it's not really me coz i know Christ's living in me so that changes things a whole lot :) guess i'm really learning to have a gentle and quiet spirit. heh i've never really been either but i'm seeing God work so i'm thankful. :)

for now...bed beckons.

and eunice ends here :

- 12:26 AM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

oddly sleepy. but i've gotta get articles for tmr's discussion. but the nus lib site keeps failing me. and so the frustration mounts coz it's taking so long to get a few good, up-to-date articles which really shdn't be the case..been at it for 3 hrs!! and i guess im grumpy coz i'm getting hungry!! haha

heh so i wonder out to the kitchen looking for smt to eat...but there's nothing interesting..

then the brother walks in awhile later and asks if i'm hungry with a subway cookie in hand. and suddenly, life seems worth living again. hahahaha ok i'm exaggerating. but really....nothing like an oatmeal cookie and some milk to cheer one up :) what's better than a late nite supper treat rite?

"yummy yummy yummy i've got love in my tummy and i feel like a-lovin you..."
haha naaaaat, are those the lyrics? i can't remeber....can u sing it for me again pleeasse? haha it just came to mind coz i've got a happy tummy :)

and eunice ends here :

- 12:47 AM

Sunday, September 17, 2006

haha my cg kids thought i was joking abt how i was randomly struck with an analogy of what cg life is all about last night.

see we had a bbq to celebrate ivan's bday and no one knew how to start the fire. and well i've never started one and i've never had to coz well yah nvm...basically i've never started a fire lah. but it was like a no choice situation last nite so i got down to doing it. and boy is it was really hard getting the charcoal to turn white and the starters to last long enough to turn the charcoal white before dying out and knowing when to fan it and when not to and all that...and my eyes stinged as the smoke got to them...but after a long long while, a lot of smoke, a lot of laughter, a lot of fanning and several several attempts to start a decent fire, it got going!

and it dawned on me. that's kinda what CG dynamics are like. everyone comes like individual pieces of charcoal. each a seperate unit. each his own. each with a high propensity to smear onto others some of their "blackness" coz it's all abt me, i, and myself. so we place starters in the midst of these blocks of charcoal, hoping the fire will catch on and heat up the rest of the coals. but it doesn't always work out that way. and often the flame dies out just when it looked promising. so hopes are dashed but u try again. and again. and again. and tt really reminded me of what it's like attempting to gel the cg thru various activities, trying to help them grow in their spiritual walk, helping them change from the inside out, trying to get them to catch the flame, to pass it on in their personal lives and to pple ard. but it doesn't always happen that way.

but with much persistance, much prayer, much much prayer, an outpouring of love, and an attitude of hope...the coals eventually begin to catch the flame and heat up. and i've begun to see that in my cg these last two days. sure, tons of unexpected and often unpleasant stuff has happened but i see God's hand in all of it...and i'm thankful. it's a slow start, but usually those fires last the longest :) and i think we're beginning to turn white and the heat's passing. and i'm no longer the only one fanning the flame. i've got amazing cg members who joyfully and willingly share the load (or at least i think they're joyful and willing..hahaha). and i see them burn bright. and i see others drawn to the heat. and i rejoice. :)

and i think i've never felt more mother hen than i have this wkend. haha ur each so precious lah. cannot help it.

and eunice ends here :

- 10:12 PM

Friday, September 15, 2006

lalalallala...

finally done with my paper! haha it's such a relief. heh really. i'm so glad it's done and out of the way. almost feels as if i'd handed up my entire ism! haha seemed like it too since the paper i submitted was a whopping 23 pages. haha but including my 4 pg long reference section and cover page and all that jazz lah. heh nonetheless......i'm just teeming with joy. haha

looking forward to finally getting back in touch with my social life and catching up with diff pple tmr :)

heh....i'm so relieved it's amazing.

oh....and i had a really good time over dinner with cheryl over an excellent bowl of ban mian. haha perfect weather for it too...nice and cool :) but i think what was my best take away from dinner (no, not the noodles or the soup or anything food related) was that God's placed us exactly where we are intentionally with the specific pple he's placed under our care coz He knows best about how we can relate to them, how we need to be stretched, and how to love...our ministry's truly blessed to have u, my dear. and those three girls are especially so! hugs. press on yah? heh and as frankie wld say, ur accumulating ur jewels in heaven! haha

and eunice ends here :

- 10:37 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

then it dawned on me during QT why i've been feeling tossed in the wind. realized tt i've unknowingly tried to do it on my own. yes, yet again. my oh-so-natural and subconscious way of functioning - doing as much as i can within the time constraints and all. so self-sufficiency, self-dependence, selfishness and self-pity have all crept in and taken over the past week. have tried pushing these icky self-related things away but they've lingered. until God pointed out the crux of the issue - that i was trying to do it on my own, yet again.

thankfully, yet again, God's reminded me that i need to be surrendered. "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So i live in this earthly body but trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." haha it's basically suicidal to go on on my own being the horrible perfectionist i can be when it comes to work coz i'll keep working at it till i think it's right, foresaking all else around me in the meantime. so unless and until i am surrendered and dependent will i always feel overwhelmed. but that's just not the way it's meant to be. (feeling overwhelmed i mean. heh)

so, yet again, i need to be totally surrendered. heh itwon't necessarily mean conceptualizing and writing my paper will be easier or work will suddenly dissipate into thin air, but simply knowing that You live in me and You are in control, not me, and that You will see me through is more than enough. so i can loosen up and let go and let You lead me, even with more unexpected things cropping up and ever increasing demands coming my way, yet have the peace that You alone provide and trusting You.

so......yet again, a declaration of dependence. :)

and eunice ends here :

- 11:10 AM

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

haha you know that you're officially in the thick of the sem when you down a bottle of chicken essence at 11.30pm so it'll perk you up for another few hours to keep writing.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:37 PM

i can't quite explain it. but when you're in the thick of things and the stress threatens to overwhelm, every small thing matters and can swing you from one end to another, from feeling like it might push u off the edge to being so incredibly relieved. really, the most inconsequential of things normally. like finding out that a meeting's been cancelled thus freeing up time, to hearing that someone's doing well, to having someone stop to pray for u, to forgetting to print out an attachment for my ethics form hence setting me a day back, to realizing u forgot abt smt u needed to do...it's really quite strange. heh well of course one explanation could be pms. but it's probably more the stress that magnifies everything.

but over lunch with cheryl yday, i realized that it's not abt asking God to take away things we struggle with - be it stress or desires that don't seem to be fulfilled or fear or apathy. instead, it's about learning to pray. it's about growing in His likeness, in His grace, and in righteousness. doesn't mean i'll always cope well though i may look like it...in fact, dhoby, u cldn't be more right when u said we're often weaker than we think.

anyway, so i was in dr. ngiam's office last wk and i saw this on his wall. and it so beautifully sums up what its all about.

I asked God to take away my habit.

God said, No.

It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.

God said, No.

His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary

I asked God to grant me patience.

God said, No.

Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.

God said, No.

I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.

God said, No.

Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.

God said, No.

You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.

God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.

God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

i'm glad that this is the first thing i see every time i walk into his office. for i anticipate a very weak being walking into his office as the weeks of the AY run on feeling increasingly drained and tired. so this will definitely help me remember to keep my God-perspective. i dont wanna be a self-absorbed stressball. i wanna love. i wanna enjoy the big and small, expected and unexpected thigns that come my way, i wanna grow and be fruitful, i wanna be more dependent than ever :)

and eunice ends here :

- 6:46 PM

Monday, September 11, 2006

it's pretty indescribable. amazed how i can spring from one end to another.

half an hour ago i was feeling rock bottom. been working and reworking and rereworking my essay the entire day and i'm not even half way thru! i know what i wanna say but it doens't come out right so i rephrase it over and over again. i rework my material meticulously. i can't find the facts and figures and references i saw a moment ago to put into my essay and i'm driving myself nuts. feeling saturated and annoyed with myself and everything else.

went out and wanted to take a break and watch Grey's anatomy but cldn't coz my grandma was outside. wanted to look for something to nibble on but there was nothing (i want my mooncakes!!) decided i'd settle for msn knowing that at least some quality human interaction would refresh me and get me in shape to write on...but of ALL nights, i cldn't sign in due to some technical error. tallk about pissing off.

so just as i was sitting alone in silent revolt, andrew calls!!! haha and it immediately perks me up and makes me smile. haha guess hearing from a great fren does that to u. :) now i think i'm ready to go back to writing.....ok, not really...but trudge on i shall. haha here's to a loooooooong night ahead. hope i remain sane.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:34 PM

Saturday, September 09, 2006

there are some people who never fail to crack me up.
here's one instance:

S: i have a question
me: yah?
S: should i go out now to buy stuff? decide.
me: haha depends on what stuff, where ur gonna go and why u dont wanna go rite?
S: i need to get boxers and a few tshirts from queensway. just lazy.
me: what happens if u don't go? no consequence rite?
S: i won't get to wear superhero boxers on friday then :(

hahaha talk about randomness. ok maybe i only find this funny coz it beats writing a 20 page paper handsdown. heh oh well. it's the little things in life eh?

oh, and marci pa la la, ur on my list of pple who make me laugh too. ur quite the king of random comments! like "it's so...mysterious yet inviting" ahahahahaha or "u look so tan" to which i replied.."huh? but no, i'm lim." ok nvm. haha somethings have to be captured in the moment and left there. heh back to work. an hr more of writing before vera & jo come over :)

and eunice ends here :

- 6:12 PM

Friday, September 08, 2006

ohgollyfollyme.

went to get my back checked today coz i felt the sharp again this morning so i got really scared and decided to go see the doctor tho it really messed up my schedule to write my paper. but oh well. anyway, boy am i glad i went! doc said it wasn't a slip disc but more to do with me sitting on the floor too much which apparently is really bad for the back. and, she gave me this piece of paper on "Your back and how to care for it" and myohmy have i unknowingly done so so many wrong things! ok let's see...my lower back is arched or hollow when i walk, i bend over my laptop wrongly when i'm standing coz i don't bend my knees, i sleep flat on my back instead of on my side with my knees bent, i use a high pillow, and i slouch and bend my back when i'm reading and trying to type what i'm reading onto my lappie (been doing that ALOT lately with my 20 page paper due next wk). *gasp* never knew....haha ok so now, i've gotta sit up straightstraightstraight! it's tiring tho...but i'm learning. and i've gotta sleep on my side! haha

and eunice ends here :

- 10:14 PM

Thursday, September 07, 2006

hey fren, i must say u really nailed it when u said "i am kinda afraid that if u two are left to ur own devices, u girls wil jus choose the safe way out.. n reject everything."

so yes, it comes back to the same old things doesn't it? fear and pride. everytime i think i've worked thru that, it comes back in a different form. and i realize He's far from done with me. and once again, i'm back at the foot of the Cross where my Refiner sifts out yet a little bit more of those two ugly components in my life that my defense mechanisms are so adept at maintaining and concealing.

so dear Father, may the life of Christ be manifested through me as i submit to the power of Your Spirit, trusting you to guide me into all truth as You reveal the Father's will in Your own time and way.

and eunice ends here :

- 4:26 PM

the oddest thing happened this morning while i was doing qt.
suddenly felt this paralyzing pain (quite literally) run down the lower part of my spine and it was so sharp and unexpected that i kinda just dropped the stuff i had on my lap and the pen i was holding. i dont even know how to begin describing it but it was something i'd never felt before. it's not like a muscle ache kinda pain that u get when u strain or pull a muscle...it was just hit me suddenly and tho the pain's not a fraction as sharp as it was for those few minutes, i've got this nagging pain round my lower back now and i'm kinda scared..coz i don't know what it is. hurts when i raise my hands over my head too. so its way weeeiiiiirrrd. please plesae pray.

and so i can't go running tonite with the ngohs and big lim anymore :(
and no floorball too if this doens't go away.

ohhh bummer.

and eunice ends here :

- 3:08 PM

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

it's been a rather long day considering how little sleep i got last night...but this afternoon, 2 things reminded me anew of God's love.

went to visit li yee and baby amber today (who's so beautiful!) and it was a short but meaningful time. well apparently, amber's been crying a whole lot lately, so much so tt she's gotten a sore throat! haha so she's one husky baby. haha anyway, she kept drifting in and out of sleep and she'd cry coz she'd wanna be carried all the time...finally tho, li yee just placed her hand gently but firmly on amber's chest/tummy (yeah, she's only 1.5 mths old so mommy's palm pretty much covered her upper body) and after awhile, amber just quietened down and fell back asleep. and there was such peace and comfort that was evident as amber knew she was safe. her eyes weren't open but she obviously just knew that mommy was there. and i was first amazed at the power of human touch, then it struck me how that's the way it is with God too. We may not see Him or understand what's going on around us, but we can trust His hand and His heart and be quieted by His love despite what goes on. and so as li yee shared Isaiah 40:11 in a slightly different context, when i came back to read it, i realized it sums up perfectly God's love for us: "He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart."

and i was reminded today too (oh yes, b4 i forget, i marvel at and am thankful for the wonders of technology *smilez*) that though things are heating up, there's a purpose behind it all. heh amazing how short-termed my memory is. just at the start of the week, i felt ready to take on all that was coming at me but just a few days later as i found out the magnitude of things and the multiple things that suddenly crept up on me, i felt oh-so-small again. haha i mean i know i am..just inside u know? yah.

oh ok. and i just had to put this up coz i think it's absolutely hilarious. :)

haha get it get it?? ok i'm off to bed.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:45 PM

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

so as i was taking a nice long hot shower before i dived back into work, these few verses came to mind and i was quieted and restored from within :)

"Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his undersanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

and eunice ends here :

- 10:17 PM

tiredtiredtired and i don't know why.

perhaps just the fact that there's so much hanging over ur head makes one tired?

and eunice ends here :

- 9:51 PM

Monday, September 04, 2006

a late afternoon thought...

"man shall not live on bread alone..."
what about scones then?

heh.

and eunice ends here :

- 4:42 PM

thot i'd share a little of what struck me during qt. haha i think blogging, like talking it out with someone, has this amazing way of helping me integrate and internalize things i'm learning. heh it's also a great platform for pple reading it to post comments that question/agree/disagree/challenge what i've posted coz i like being sharpened that way :) so toille, who thinks a lot i know, ericsoraus, who i think reads this from time to time, and whose insights and perceptiveness i admire and respect...and whoever out there lah i guess coz i dont really know who reads but no matter. :) heh shan't push it coz some pple just dont like leaving comments which is fine! haha and most importantly i guess, it serves as a form of accountability coz pple who read what i've wrote can ask me how i've been doing in this area and that which i've shared. haha what's even more challenging is how i don't know who reads and therefore who's seeing if i'm walking my talk (or blogging) right? so it means i've gotta endeavor to live it out daily, and in all aspects of my life. haha

anyway, tt's not really the point of this post. what is, is from what i read from "Ordering Your Private World". Read the chapter on The Better Man Lost and it struck me hard. the gist of it is the need to discipline our minds to think harder and wider, to question more critically, to be more perceptive and analytical, and to go beyond what we already know and what influential people say. "Thinking is the amazing capacity God has given the human being to discover and observe the stuff of creation, to compare and contrast each of its parts, and, when possible, to use them properly so as to reflect the glory of the Creator." In this light, Provers 25:2 never made more sense: "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search a matter out."

And i think reading about giving my best and using my mind for His glory couldn't have come at a better time. It's kinda served as a gentle rebuke and motivation simultaneously. As i look back, I am humbled again to see how generous and amazing God has been all this while. I honestly, truly know I'm not smart or analytical. Trust me, i'm not just saying this coz i'm chinese and asian and tt kinda crap. i know i'm not coz i've been around some of the nation's brightest and smartest and i know i'm nothing like them at all. seriously. i know God has blessed me exceedingly beyond what i deserve and i've achieved way more than i am capable of, not coz i'm smart or capably, but solely because of His grace. and as conscious i am of that, i've often taken that for granted. I pride myself in giving off my best but i've been made to realize that sometimes, my best ain't really the best. which is an interestisng insight i've gained today. haha for example, I've always said i hate reading so i used to avoid books like a plague. so i miss out a lot on learning new things coz i'm lazy that way. i tend to gloss over things i don't know about and not put myself in situations where i know i don't know much about instead of asking people who do know or reading to find out for myself.

MacDonald writes excellently about the dangers of ignorance, or rather, the insular Christian:
"The unthinking Christian does not realize it, but he is dangerously absorbed into the culture about him. Because his mind is untrained and unfilled, it lacks the ability to produce the hard questions with which the world needs to be challenged. The challenge for the modern Christian in a secular society may be to ask prophetic questions before there is going to be an opportunity to provide Christ-oriented answers."
And that hit me, coz if i really want my ISM and thesis to be relevant to the field and add to the value of social work, then i better be thinking harder, asking better questions, seeking out the gaps in services and policies, reading more widely, hungry to learn more, and pushing myself harder to produce a work that will not only add the the body of research, but one that will surface hard questions and Christ-centered answers to some of our nation's social issues. and it's not good enough to be competent and well-versed in issues that are directly related to my area of research, but to go beyond that to read more, learn more, know more.

Harry Blamires, who wrote "The Christian Mind", asks where are the Christians with minds sharp enough to confront a culture that steadily drifts away from God, and calls for people who think "Christianly" about great moral issues..and I wanna grow to become such a Christian. If i'm truly interested in social and family policy, then it's time to grow a lot more intellectually. and the best kind of thinking, according to MacDonald, which i cannot agree more with, is accomplished when it is done in the context of reverence for God's kingly reign over all creation. for only then, will one face less danger of being puffed up by accumulated knowledge and be able to build others up in love.

ok so now i'm ready and inspired to plow thru more books and articles for my ism and thesis today. :) eeks. what a loooong post.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:39 AM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

i love my cg! haha i always feel young when i'm with them. like somehow, secondary school and jc memories seem so so fresh when i'm talking to them. haha i'll have these flashbacks of how we used to nick mr loh's pointer hand when his back was turned in class, how we used to blow bubbles along the corridoor then scuttle back in when mr heng was round the corner, how i used to write endless letters to various friends then slip them thru the window or pass them to someone to pass to someone (and i still have them all by the way! hahaha) and yah..just random little snippets of life when i was their age :)

well cg's been really small lately. today for example, there was only andy, nat, tammy and i today after service and i felt kinda bummed out. but at the same time, i cldn't have been happier that andy and tammy were there. (nat too of course! haha cldn't be more thankful for my faithful cg-ers!) eventually tho, tammy's fren - bernita, ian, and cindy came to join us so we almost doubled in number! heh and andy was literally surrounded by girls..which i really don't think he minded. grin.
but i guess for me, i'm learning to embrace and be content in each and every situation. when we were a huge cg, i felt really really worn and drained by the sheer number of people to shepherd and care for. so multiplying was an excellent idea. but with that, came a whole new host of challenges. but i guess really thru it all, i'm really so encouraged to see how God is working in and thru my cg members, past and present. and i enjoy spending time with them, not just talking abt random things, but pouring out into their lives, praying for them and with them, being their "mommy" once in awhile as i nag them abt things and all. and i'm realizing that as with community transformation which our church is gonna embark on, my cg should have no walls. sometimes, u go on meeting the needs of others outside ur cg simply coz u care. or rather, more importantly, coz God impresses it upon your heart to reach out to them and pour forth His love into their lives. and so as i surrender myself, my time, my work and all else to Him and rely on His strength to go on, things are really shaping up to be a whole new exciting, journey of faith indeed. and hence, once again, i learn to be dependent :)

and to my dear present and past cg members who may read this, thank u for coming each week, for being as committed as u know how, for being so much fun, for being willing to share, for being teachable, for being so so much fun, and for just being you. coz u add such flavor to cg and to my life :)

and and and, to those who've begun speaking chinese to me, like elynn and cindy and andy (who spends more time laughing at me than teaching me), thanks a bunch! i appreciate it! haha

and eunice ends here :

- 11:31 PM

Saturday, September 02, 2006

wookay. quickie thanksgiving before i dive back into work before meeting ade tonight.

realized i've survived 3 weeks of school and it really hasn't been half as bad as i thought it would be. not that the workload's light and easy or anything but i'm thankful for how i only have 9 hours of class per week so that allows me to work the remainder ard to do my research and organize it as i like :)

and i realized with school having kicked in, i've got more of a routine now and i'm naturally home more and so stuff with my folks have been a lot better abt things coz they see me more :)

oh...and i'm really thankful for how the honours class is turning out to be. kinda dreaded going back to school largely coz the people i hung ard with have all graduated...but i'm getting to know my honours class pple more and they're actually really nice! so things are looking up :)

and i think i'm generally pleased with myself? haha ok no tt sounded wrong..i'm generally just happier coz my life's regaining more order as i ease into school, reprioritize, eliminate the time monsters, be more intentional about the things tt are important to me and tt i wanna do and such. so yup...I'm thankful :) and i'm more ready to meet the craziness of the sem tt's fast approaching coz when ur inner world's ordered, what happens outside somehow just takes less of a toll on u. so here's to a new semester and a new journey of faith!

and eunice ends here :

- 2:53 PM