Wednesday, September 13, 2006
i can't quite explain it. but when you're in the thick of things and the stress threatens to overwhelm, every small thing matters and can swing you from one end to another, from feeling like it might push u off the edge to being so incredibly relieved. really, the most inconsequential of things normally. like finding out that a meeting's been cancelled thus freeing up time, to hearing that someone's doing well, to having someone stop to pray for u, to forgetting to print out an attachment for my ethics form hence setting me a day back, to realizing u forgot abt smt u needed to do...it's really quite strange. heh well of course one explanation could be pms. but it's probably more the stress that magnifies everything.
but over lunch with cheryl yday, i realized that it's not abt asking God to take away things we struggle with - be it stress or desires that don't seem to be fulfilled or fear or apathy. instead, it's about learning to pray. it's about growing in His likeness, in His grace, and in righteousness. doesn't mean i'll always cope well though i may look like it...in fact, dhoby, u cldn't be more right when u said we're often weaker than we think.
anyway, so i was in dr. ngiam's office last wk and i saw this on his wall. and it so beautifully sums up what its all about.
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations; it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
i'm glad that this is the first thing i see every time i walk into his office. for i anticipate a very weak being walking into his office as the weeks of the AY run on feeling increasingly drained and tired. so this will definitely help me remember to keep my God-perspective. i dont wanna be a self-absorbed stressball. i wanna love. i wanna enjoy the big and small, expected and unexpected thigns that come my way, i wanna grow and be fruitful, i wanna be more dependent than ever :)
