declaration of dependence

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

sometimes i wonder for all i study, how much of it will benefit the people who really need the helping hand, support, hope, and betterment of their situation?

stayed at BK to study after meeting Li Yee and amber today and i had the window seat coz i liked the natural light that was streaming in. much more refreshing than the lib or coffeebean! anyway, incidentally, right outside from where i was sitting was the smoking zone and i saw these young poly kids smoking away and i could sooo tell they thought it was cool. but i looked at those girls who were so pretty and all and wondered if they'd one day regret it. then i saw moms and dads puffing with their little tods nearby and it got my really angry. i wanted to go over and smack them on their forehead and ask them what they were thinking!

then later on, i saw this young mother with 2 boys..prob like 5 and 3 years old. and she was hanging out with these few punk-ish looking guys prob 17 yrs old or so. she probably was just slightly older than that. and she seemed totally nonchalent about her kids. instead, the guys, who'd u def not expect to be fond of kids, were their playmates. twirling them ard, showing them card tricks, entertaining them and all...and they boys seemed so much to enjoy the male attention. and later as they got up to leave, i saw that their mother was pregnant. and i wondered if she was married. natural question that came to mind i guess, since that's what my ism and thesis are on. but what really bugged me was that i was sitting in BK studying about social policy and planning, studying about family therapy...but i never felt further removed from reality.

how will the people who could do with help and support know that it's available to them? will they ever receive it? how will these kids do? will they hear about Christ? how will they know that there's a God who loves them so? will i ever get to reach out and work with people who really could do with the support and help? but do they want it, i wonder? why do the images of what i observed for a mere 10 mins stay so much more clearly and longer than all the readings i've tried to force down my throat the last 8 days?

and eunice ends here :

- 8:36 PM

Monday, November 27, 2006

so the folks flew home todayy!! : ) was really beginning to miss them. told mommy tt after eating the same thing for the entire time she was gone, i knew i wldn't last much longer..so i'm definitely glad that they're home! and of course, all the stuff they bought home for me makes their homecoming even sweeter. haha

i think the other thing that made my day was when i was leaving the lib to meet the family for dinner, this lady came up from behind me and sheltered me across the street. was really sweet of her i thought and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. and instantly the corrine may song came to mind. it's been playing in my mp3 player while i study and i thought the lyrics really almost describe my day..except that i didn't see her halo and see her start to fly : )

I woke up this morning feeling kind of blue
and I stumbled out of bed
and dragged my feet across the room
Right outside my front door was a rose
and a note that said 'Somebody Loves You'

But out on the street it starts to pour
and before I get soaking wet,
A total stranger runs to give me the jacket off his back
I turn around to thank him
But he waves me with a smile
I can hardly believe my eyes
He puts on a halo and starts to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look at Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise

I met a good friend for lunch
and we had a delicious meal
But I forgot to bring my wallet
I felt like an imbecile
But she was sweet,
she gave me a treat and
Bought me a chicken sandwich
To take home for tea

But out on the street with nothing to eat
A man and his shopping cart go
Travelling to places,
Collecting social graces
I give him my sandwich
and we chatter for a while
I see a rainbow wash over his eyes
He gives me his halo and I start to fly

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to an angel in disguise
Everyday can be legendary
Every minute,
an endless surprise
You could be the next angel in disguise

I woke up this morning
Feeling kind of new.

and eunice ends here :

- 8:44 PM

Saturday, November 25, 2006

so today marks the end for yet another phone of mine. my sony ericsson has failed me. it's been hanging on me..like 20 times a day. i'm not kidding. annoys me to bits when i'm sms-ing halfway and it freezes up on me. so it's back to my trusty nokia. sigh. but the thought of losing all my msgs and having to transfer nos frm this phone to that.....so poor thing eh (Ng, 2006).

hahaha since we're into quoting mils, here are some pics i got from the girl yday when we were studying. realized that we've all got rosy cheeks. heh and lav, i don't have the biggest eyes in this pic.

heh ok lah...here's one with the boys too so they won't feel left out. haha meet kenny the mother hen. or not. more like the child who needs constant mothering.

i think this group is almost as cam-whorey as chindia. think this was just our 2nd attempt. not bad lah kenny...stable enough hands to be an air steward. hahaha man i miss project meetings. thankfully there's still mils and cheryl to study with! : ) shd ask gerard if he's willing to shift frm ya kun to coffeebean to join us eh? haha

and eunice ends here :

- 11:48 PM

Friday, November 24, 2006

hmmm struck me today that life's kinda flown by me. and i don't just mean like this semester...i mean like the last 10 years of my life!

amu msged me this morning to tell me tt she wasn't gonna do a thesis anymore but she's gonna publish smt by next yr instead n how it all doesn't matter coz she knows what's she's gonna do her post-grad and phD in...and she figured all this stuff out in 2 days. but she'd always known she was gonna do psych even way back then when we were in our awful green skirts and running ard the rj track in the morning before sch. i had no idea what i was gonna do back then.

and my brother turns 26 today. just struck me that that's like one year before turning 27 (ok that sounds duh...but imagine urself at 27!) and he's 4 years away from being 30! man, when i turned 15, i went round telling everyone that i was halfway to being 30 and how freaky that was! and when one of his friends asked me where i wanted to work when i graduate and whether i had gone for any interviews yet, it hit me that i'm graduating in 6 months!!!!

then cheryl and i kinda got to know this girl who was studying at coffeebean at the table next to us today and she's a freshie deciding between majoring in social work or psych. and hey! wasn't i there not too long ago? i'd contemplated that exact same thing some time back. but it just didn't happen. didn't quite pursue it either after realizing how nearly impossible it'd be to do a shared major. i guess more importantly, i didn't pursue it coz i didn't really know for sure what i wanted to do. so no big loss it seemed. can't remember when i gave up the thought of doing a shared major though. i just kinda did along the way.

and now, i'm mugging for my 2nd last uni exams and working on my thesis at the same time. never really thought consciously about working towards writing a thesis..feels like it just well..kinda happened to me.

heh don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining about any of these things. i'm thankful for how things have turned out. it just kinda feels like life's flown by me. and while i've perfectly enjoyed living in the here and now and not having to think or know what's to come in the future, it almost feels as if everything has just kinda happened to me without me knowing or being quite aware of it all or working consciously towards any of it. perhaps it's time to think beyond what time i'm gonna wake up tmr, whether to go to the gym or not, what i'm gonna study tmr.....

maybe i shouldn't just let life happen to me anymore. maybe i can't live just in the here and now anymore, refusing to seriously consider what's coming my way until i'm there. maybe it's time to begin seeking Him as to what this hope and future He has planned for me is like. always believed that i cld simply trust Him to reveal it when i get there. but qt the last two days was based on Jeremiah 33:3 "Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come." hmmmmm.....

and eunice ends here :

- 11:09 PM

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

haha so i had an interesting conversation with marcus which went something like this:

marc: hey..ur new hairstyle? it's a mysterious yet inviting choice
me: haha yeah, like what u said abt my chinese name?
marc: yeah! as a whole ur mysterious and inviting. it's like a cereal box.
me: reallY? so what kinda cereal am i?
marc: *thinks for a long while* the milo cereal kind.
me: why?? just coz i made milo for camp last year doesn't make me milo cereal what! haha
marc: oh yeah i didn't think of that. but the reason i thought of is that your a very influential person. then when you put milo cereal in the milk, after while the milk turns brown. and u influence people to be like u.
me: haha ok.
marc: and milo cereal is brown, like me. coz i'm indian. kind of at least. or chindian really. at least until chindian is universally recognized.
me: err ok...got lost there but ok..
marc: yeah, so i bestow the milo crown of milo balls on your new hair.

haha he never fails to crack me up. all hail my king of randomness.

and eunice ends here :

- 7:41 PM

Monday, November 20, 2006

so today was the first real studying day. heh was a sloooow start. not good at all. thought to myself at 10.40am when i got to the lib that i'd be able to finish at least Strategic Family Therapy and probably Bowen by today....left CWP at 10ish pm and i still had 3 more strategic readings to go. baaaah.

but it was a good day overall. had fun studying with amu and her boy. i like him...so i'm happy for u babe : ) guess with all the changes chi's going thru...or rather with all the changes some of chi is going thru which kinda scare me, i like stability when i see it.

haha and of course lav and andrew made my day when they called while i was studying : ) haha or rather i called lav coz i was sitting there studying and suddenly it struck me that the last time i was sitting at the lib studying, i was shuttling in and out of the lib whenever we were on the phone trying to figure out the details of our india trip! time fliiiiiiess....haha seems like ages ago. and so when andrew called, it made me smile : ) what am i to look forward to this holiday??? haha oh...Christmas! that's right! : ) heh oh and dhobyy, i asked kel what happened to his NY plans and he just laughed. heh....but my parents are in Vietnam for their anniversery..looks like they're one step ahead of us eh? hahaha wait. i just realized how wrong that sounds. but u know what i mean! haha

and eunice ends here :

- 11:21 PM

Sunday, November 19, 2006

ok so the hair's been cut and coloured!

looove the cut but hate the colour. sigh. oh well..hair grows...colour goes. kinda rhymes eh? haha i look jappy/koreanish or like wakeboarderish with the new colour. was/am pretty upset but oh well. haha hair's just well...hair. at least i think the cut was brilliant so not all's lost.

oh and well talking to cheryl now has made me realize how much there is to plough thru for exams. and most of it is untouched. like no highlighting nothing! and only realizing now that there's all this stuff i haven't even printed. but thankfully cheryl's helping me print those. haha not sure i'm looking forward to getting a stack of extra notes from her on tues tho. i'm such an awful tree-killer. it's officially time to change gears from writing and writing to reading and reading. (and hopefully absorbing and comprehending and internalizing too lah)

alrights. gonna savour the rest of the sabbath coz i know the week ahead is gonna be loooong and probably painful. haha

and eunice ends here :

- 9:59 PM

Friday, November 17, 2006

quote of the day:

"cutting hair is like a bandaid - either you do it fast or never."

- lav

and eunice ends here :

- 10:44 PM

current dilemma of life: to cut or not to cut?

not sure if i'm ready to go back to my bob cut days. haha but it's exciting. i've got split votes from the people i've asked so far..ok not quite equal but the nos are rather resounding nos. haha

Yes:

cheryl
mils
aggie
mommy

No:

kor
sulwyn

and eunice ends here :

- 1:39 PM

so the responsible, perfectionist side of me seized control again from the lazy side. heh. paper's edited and done with. am happy with it now. at least i know i've put in all i can. : )

and of course, the night ends with a good conversation with lav as i update her on stuff. and as always, i'm always thankful for these snippets of life we get to share...can't put my finger on what part of the conversation was dear to me. perhaps just talking to u was! : ) who else can understand categories like u do? hahaha

and eunice ends here :

- 1:40 AM

Thursday, November 16, 2006

so my very last paper of the sem is due tmr. i'm mostly done. i've covered all 5 sections. i've reached my word limit. i've not exceeded it by a long shot like my ism. but it's the worst paper i feel i've written. definitely not worthy of a good grade. like i know it's not a brilliant piece of work by a far shot. but i can't seem to muster enough of me to make it any better. and i almost feel like it's ok and i can leave it.

dhoby was saying he knows i've officially had a long sem coz i replied to his question about how long this paper was with "oh, just 2000 words". haha maybe.

it's possibly the only paper i've written this sem that doesn't have any references. which is ok since he wrote in our instruction sheet "not an academic type of paper but can use textbook/publication references". but u know it's just not done and at a 4000 level, you obviously need references. oh wait. i have one reference. but that one doesn't count coz it's what the entire paper's based upon.

so what is it? haha i don't know. maybe i've lost steam. i've just watched 45 mins of tv but i'm not any more recharged to perfect the paper.

oh boo. what a motivation-less one i am. i think i may just add a cover page and submit my paper. haha or maybe not.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:19 PM

i am left speechless before You when You speak Your words of truth, love, and libertation to me.

i am left in tears as You show me that You don't see me the way i see myself.

i am left in semi-shock as You see my half-hearted, mechanical confession and gently challenge me to go further, to mean what i've confessed and to do it again. You see me struggle. You see how i don't know a better way to do things. You see that i don't know how, and You show me how when i ask. and i am left amazed.

i am left lost and confused as i continually hide away, but You call me to seek You, and to seek and know my desires as You've placed them in me.

i am left humbled and broken when You show me that i don't need to constantly live in self-preservation mode. but that You have a plan for me, a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.

i am left uplifted as Your Spirit reveals to me the lies i've believed and functioned by, then leads me to the place of release, hope, and truth.

i am left free to live and love, to be the woman You made me to be.

i am left in awe as You speak the words i've needed to hear for a long time - to walk by faith.

and i am left rejoicing, for my Maker knows me, shapes me, molds me, holds me, and gently shows me who He intends me to be.

and eunice ends here :

- 10:33 AM

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

i thought i was direct. thought hey, lav's real direct too. but i think my dear friend mi li far surpasses us all. cheryl says that she's like a mirror but i told them she's more than a mirror coz a mirror only reflects what's on the surface. but mils listens, looks in, and says it as it is. she tells u what you don't say. and i was left speechless when she said what she had to say. eunice isn't often stumped. but this girl's left me momentarily speechess twice in the span of 4 days. that's an amazing feet.

and well..the timing for what she said is just so so odd. but as with some things, there ain't never a good time to hear them. sometimes, they just come. and you've just gotta deal. feel like she's brought me thru self-awareness 4101. or maybe 5101 in the span of 1.5 hrs over lunch. and as if God hasn't possibly made His point clearly enough thru my very straight-talking friend, i get this quote thru my email as i'm typing this post.

"There are no accidents in the life of the Christian."
-- Rowland Bingham

haha brillaint eh. i think i've had slightly too much to take in for one day. and well..i guess i can't or shouldn't keep brushing it aside. typical euns who's got an appt with her thesis sup tmr and nothing prepared yet and a paper due on friday normally wldn't drop all work to go meet with the One who orchestrates all things for the good of those who love Him..but tonite's an exception.

not without a few photos of my exceptional friends first tho : )

check this out: cheryl successfully convinced the library-avoider to spend her FREE day in the lib! haha but i had a good time....tho i wasn't too productive. heh guess the deadline's not near enough. hahah

and then of course, here's gorgeous mi li as she insists to be called....hahaha looking great in her new bob-style haircut. i'm inspired. i may just chop off my hair too! heh but i'm still thinking about it....and mils, as the wise one, i didn't post the other pic u forbid me to post tho i think it's the best one we took. haha i thank God for. really. : ) i think we're an amazing blend - the foolish and varients of the wise. haha

and eunice ends here :

- 8:06 PM

Monday, November 13, 2006

decided i'd take the day off today since our policy and planning paper was finally done by yesterday. heh the original plan was go to the gym, have an extended time of qt/cum mini retreat at Gloria Jeans or somewhere at Vivo, then meet Kel and SQ for lunch and a movie, then get my Hep A booster jab done with mom at 830. but almost all of that changed. ended up going to the gym, coming home just before it started pouring, finding out the doc's not open in the evening and that we therefore had to go before i went to meet SQ and kel, not watching a movie, and having a time for a nap instead which i didn't anticipate wld last until 830pm. haha but i'm telling myself its ok...that i can let it be coz i'm not doing work anyway....but still...such time jumbles don't sit well with me. hahaha.

oh went with the boys to doulos and got 2 amazing buys! got this Christmas cd that's got elements of Bing Crosby, Tony Bennett, and Frank Sinatra in it and it's great! and it was just $4! haha or 100 Doulos units. managed to finally get my mentor dearest a present too, as well as a book which i picked up and decided that i had to get it. it's called "Let me be a Woman" by Elisabeth Elliot and some of its chapters include: the God who is in charge, Not who am i? but whose am i?, jellyfish and pride (that one def got me), trust for seperation, God sets no traps and it goes on. haha came home, put on my cd and started pouring through the book. it's just one of those books which from the start, u know u'll take away a lot from. somewhat like ordering ur private world...guess there's just something about books and the season ur in. like somehow, certain books have that much more oomph at a particular period of time. and i'm always amazed at how God sends these books along exactly when u need them!

one of the first few opening quotes of the book got me already and is one i strive to make my own daily is this:

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thouh wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever."

alrighty...back to reading : )

and eunice ends here :

- 9:00 PM

Sunday, November 12, 2006

it's been yet another unusual sunday but a thoroughly enjoyable one!

really enjoyed worship this morning..uncle jimmy has this amazing way of leading pple into God's presence. it's a gift! so refreshing. so simple. so wonderful. : )

led bs today but not before my boys led worship for the first time in our new cg. now tt tai's exams are over and shunz' the guitar class is over..they managed to get down to it finally. so shunz and tai led worship today! haha. oh then did the spiritual gifts assessment with them so they can find out their gift-mix and there was a fair bit of anticipation in the air as they were eager to find out what their spiritual gifts were! haha so now that we know...toille, u wont be the only one i delegate work to. heh and i'm glad our intercessor is already hard at work! i'm really excited to see u guys put ur gifts to use : ) really, i am. nothing excites me more and gives me more pleasure than seeing u guys grow and serve and love one another : ) heh then to wrap up the cg session in our favourite way, bought my kiddos our flip-flip jelly ice-cream, which as always, is a ton of fun and makes others go green with envy. heh or maybe they're just reflecting the colour of our ice-cream!

then it was off to meet my "permanent" project group as lav calls them. haha only dawned on me as i was on my way home that it's our last meeting for the sem!! the last work meeting lah at least..since we've already decided tt we'll meet for dinner during reading wk and have a picnic after exams..haha. so amazingly, we managed to tie up the loose ends of our proj, hear abt kenny's sia steward interview, find out all our parents' names, enjoy the food cheryl's mommy made, take more photos (thanks to kenny), and have a good time as always.

ok time for the apprentice. : )

and eunice ends here :

- 10:17 PM

Saturday, November 11, 2006

there are just certain groups of people i hang out with that make me laugh so so hard. some have been tested and proven to be able to do that, others surprise me by what they manage to do to me. and it's funny really coz i wouldn't have ever imagined certain things to be the way they are now, especially with people in school and with the girls in church.

but it struck me last night how gently, subtly, yet surely God's worked through my defenses and pride these last few months and chiseled away at them. used to be so self-sufficient and contented with the friends i had already that i didn't bother to build friendships with people i felt were different or who i felt weren't on the same level with me. so i just brushed them aside, didn't make time for such relationships, and thought i was just fine without them. but i've come to realize how wrong i've been and how much i've missed out on. i've come to realize what gems these people are, how these friendships have been such a blessing, how i've been the atas one all along, and how thankful i am that the opportunity to build these friendships have not passed me by.

as i look back on these last few months, i see God's fingerprints so so clearly in the new, renewed, or deepened friendships i've had with people in my project group, in class, in church with the girls especially like cheryl, aggie, ade, emily, sul...and it's meant a lot. so when i think back to a time before when i didn't like school or the people in social work very much, and when i didnt think i needed close friendships with the girls in church and thought i was just fine, i see now how much my pride and self-sufficiency kept things that way.

i thank God for how He's at work in me. and i'm even more thankful for how His patience with me is exhibited through the patience and acceptance these people have shown me. and perhaps most of all, i thank God that He's not done with me yet and that His ways are gentle, perfectly timed, and perfect.

and eunice ends here :

- 9:18 AM

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

it's all kinda surreal.

sitting at crusade corner with of my project group. gerard's putting their finishing touches to our looooong advanced research paper, cheryl's working on her kairos homework, kenny's going ard taking random photos as usual, and i'm finishing up my ism...then we're heading to spinelli's later for our next proj meeting. (yeah, submitting one today and starting work on our next one today too. bleah) heh and as usual, mi li's gonna pick us up and drive us there. and we're all drifting in and out of nua-ness and focus-ness.

haha and for just a brief moment, time seems to have stopped. weather's nice, listening to good music, am in good company, 70% of my total work load is done as of today tho i'm still wrapping up. in the mean time, cheryl's sighing and laughing to herself and asking random questions. and we've all got till 4pm to finish up what we're doing and taking a break...then on to our next paper.

cheryl was saying how it feels as if we're really stuck in a moment we cant get out of as we work from deadline to deadline...yet when we look back, the sem has pretty much flown by. odd ain't it?

and eunice ends here :

- 2:28 PM

oooh bygollyme.

it's almost 1.30 in the morning...i've gotten so hungry i've started munching on cereal...i've felt so helpless i've gotten 2 people to read my essay. but still...i have 2000 words more than i'm allowed.

how can one write a 5000 word paper when there's SO much to say? worse yet, how can one be forced to take out everything beyond that 5000 word limit that's so relevant? i've already cut it down from 8500 to 7000 words!!!!! booooo.

ok so on with operation slash&burn2000.
hope the adrenaline kicks in and lasts me the entire day tmr. got a presentation at 9am that i've not prepared for at all. guess i'll be doing it in class while another grp's presenting. oh. then i've gotta write my 100 word synopsis of my 5000 word paper. oh. then there's h&d at nite.

ok i'm gonna ask cheryl to help me with slash&burn tmr. hopefully it'll be slash&burn1000 by then. ok back to it.

and eunice ends here :

- 1:29 AM

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

heh ok just a few random snippets of the day coz i think they're hilarious.

in our last lecture...
dr lee: ok guys, i'm teaching theory-building next sem. don't worry, no practical work.
me: heh....musn't be very practical then eh?

after project meeting...
kenny: ay, you're threading.
me: eh? threading?
kenny: yah....see? wait. stop moving. *reaches down and tries to pull out this tuff of thread from my shoes*

is this boy strange or what? but that reminds me, i ought to go thread my eyebrows soon. haha

then on the train on the way home, there are these 3 boys standing near by me...and i didn't see them but this was what i overheard:

boy 1: ay, isn't that her?
boy 2: huh? who?
boy 3: the one in the red skirt.
boy 2: oh yeah...but i forgot her name
boy 1: me too. haha ay, i dare u lah. $2, go over and say hi.
boy 2: xiao ah? u go lah.
boy 3: ok i think she liked me the most last time, i'll do it. $2 each ah?

haha i really was about to grin but i didn't wanna spoil their fun so i continued sms-ing. thankfully i was looking down man otherwise i'd definitely have laughed. haha so yah, finally boy 3 came over to say hi. so cute lah these boys. heh i didn't say hi also coz i cldn't remember when i taught them or if i ever did. but as it turns out, i taught them lit for a wk a few months back so yah. haha

ok time to finish up that ism. final lap!

and eunice ends here :

- 2:53 PM

Saturday, November 04, 2006

i kinda discovered something new about myself today. it's been one loong day again.

had my very last tuition session with my girls b4 they take their O level paper on wednesday...and well...i think at the end of it all, attachment has indeed formed! despite the scolding, nagging, pep talking, and the ton of work i pushed them hard to do in the brief brief 3 mths i had them. and i realized that although i had a gazillion things to do this wk, i actually looked forward to tuition with them. something i always felt with si jay but never with them till now. and i realized that it was only as i began to enjoy them and appreciate them for who they are, that i began to love them and accept them and tap on their strengths. but that took time.

then met my favourite (ok and currently, only) project grp to discuss our research findings. haha and as usual, had a ton of fun and we were super productive as we amazingly always are.

then met the folks for a quick dinner before being tasked to drive home in the new car. and man was i brilliant. in my rush and stress to get out of the holland v carpark coz of the ton of cars ard me, i smartly forgot to release my handbreak and drove a good distance. kept wondering if the pick-up for the auto car really was so much worse than a manual car. haha so anyway, despite finding it so so much easier to drive, i was kinda stressed up driving the new car.

so what did i learn from the various random events of my day that seemingly have no connection to each other? well, simply that i'm a creature of familiarity. i really really don't like the unfamiliar. i thrive in environments where i know what's expected of me, how i can contribute, what i'm there for, how much time we have and how much there is to do, when i know what needs to get done....that kinda thing. so tuition and proj meeting were great coz those were well within my element.

but driving really isn't. and it stresses me out. i've always said that i'd rather be driven ard. haha and i guess that's coz i'm not good at it, i'm not familiar with the roads, i can't be great at it coz i don't get to drive often enough to different places, and well..basically it really ain't my forte. haha so when i know i can do something well, i'm a perfectionist. but when i can't, i try to avoid it. it's never really been something i've been consciously aware of - as in the combined effect of both. because now that i am, it's suddenly struck me how pervasive, far reaching, and subconscious my fear of failure and being incompetent is.

and eunice ends here :

- 8:59 PM

Friday, November 03, 2006

i am now fully convinced and more, that when i call upon God with all sincerity to reveal Himself, He does. (i've always known that He will, but sometimes, i'm only 99% certain when i tell my cg that whatever they ask, He will answer..but now i'm 199% sure!) when i tell Him that i want to love Him, have the same desires that He has, love as He does people who are hard to love because i don't know them, and do these things which are simply beyond my own human capacity to, He hears!!

QT the last few days has been on the same topic but it hasn't really sunk in...(haha sometimes i almost am convinced that i'll keep being bombarded with the same topic till i learn and get what God's wants me to learn). And it's been kinda annoying coz i wished that it was more relevant. then i realized that it was! realized that i had been seeing things from my perspective and not His which was why it just didn't make much sense or seem very relevant to me. so today, i finally conceeded that i needed Him to change my perspective. and i became willing to do as He led...but i didn't know how He wanted me to go about it. so i asked that He'd show me how.

and He did, and in the least expected of ways as well! after a loooong day in sch, mi li, cheryl, gerard, kenny, shu yi and i left school together. and coz we only left sch at like 730pm, we got stuck in the AYE jam. but it gave us the perfect opportunity to share in the car...and it was exactly what qt was about and in that one conversation, i got my direct answer about what God wants me to do. haha not going into details here but just had to share it coz i'm amazed!! and when God works something like that out in direct answer to an earnest prayer, u just can't keep silent! : )

and so tonite also marks the end of our field research for my advanced research module. i had so much fun that it almost didn't seem like work! haha i truly truly am thankful for my proj grp, for mi li who drives us to and fro sch and highpoint which are miles apart, for kenny who never fails to crack me up, for the conversations we've had in the car/over meals b4/after/during proj meetings, getting to know them as individuals instead of just proj mates, and how God has been so so awesome thru out. heh i think it's almost a miracle that advanced research has been my favourite module this sem and that i've enjoyed learning everything Dr Ng's taught! haha and this is despite the fact that it has been the heaviest module as well. heh oh well...

ok....gotta work on the interview transcript for tmr's proj meeting.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:21 PM

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

heh ok so i just had to post these pics coz they're hilarious!!
i warn u tho, that there are maaany. but every shot cracks me up. heh so i just had to put them up.

we all know how much eunice hates the library rite? so well this was the one time this sem i've gone to the library to do my readings...but tt's coz i had some time to kill so i went with my proj grp. but just as we were about to start work, cheryl leans over and whispers "hey! we can take photos on my laptop!" and i gave her this wide-eyed look when she pointed to the tiny camera on her laptop.

anyway, so then we started taking photos coz that sure beat reading about qualitative ananlysis methods! at first, it was really quite discrete, tho i obviously was still amused...

gerard came over a little while later to see what we were up to...but that was still ok...

but then when kenny came along.......hahaha things went downhill from there lah. people were looking up at us coz we were desperately trying to muffle our laughter but it was quite uncontainable. really. and everytime they looked up, they'd see us posing in front of a laptop or doubled over in laughter. the photos will speak for themselves. check it out.

heh ok so meet kenny and my twin, janice. this was one cool mirror effect!

then here's this awesome swirly effect. hahaha i think this is one of my favourite!

oh and then there's this neoprint looking one! haha how secondary school days this is rite?? haha just had to put it up!

yah well then there was hallowen that just passed and we thot this was the perfect picture for that! hahaha

but not all were so weirded out lah. we took some normal shots. or maybe..not quite normal coz kenny's always fooling ard. but yah...this is my advanced research grp! : ) gerard on the left, kenny on the right, then cheryl and i. dearest mi li was at home but she later came by with cups of tea for us and cheryl n i managed had a little picnic in the lib! haha i actually had fun in the library! and in case ur wondering, i actually did manage to finish the reading ok! heh

and eunice ends here :

- 9:49 PM

oh. on a side note. i realize that i think less deeply about things when i'm consumed with work. but i don't wanna be! i don't wanna be ruled by work. i wanna spend more time with what's truly important, what has eternal value, with Who truly matters..but i've been so tired that qt in the morning has been rather diluted coz i doze off and instead of getting to read on the train, i fall asleep the minute i sit down.

think it's time for a retreat. hope i last out till next thursday when i can finally get up for some air. with the advanced research individual paper, group paper, presentation and my ism due on the same day.....and extra tuition sessions since their O's are next week....thursday's what i'm crawling towards.

haha seems odd having two posts that are this juxtaposed eh. but i'm so tired now i don't feel stressed by the amt of work. or rather, i think all the things i'm thankful for serve to neutralize how i'm feeling. haha ok enough random rambling and trying to escape from doing work. what's gotta be done has just gotta be done! wheeeee!

and eunice ends here :

- 6:10 PM

i've got much to be thankful for despite the craziness of the period. i'm thankful for getting thru deadline after deadline, for the random snippets of fun that manage to get squeezed in in between each tight deadline that helps me remain sane (like taking a ton of photos in the lib, trying to muffle our laughter, the straaange effects the apple computer manages to do and all), for doing unexpectedly well on the only assignment i've gotten back so far this sem, for a great project grp (really, all u need is one slacker to kill the grp but in this grp, everyone's great! super on the ball and super willing to slog it out together. so different yet so fun. so like i've said b4, cldn't ask for a better grp than this!), for how the end's in sight (didn't know next wk's like the last teaching wk of the sem if i'm not wrong...), for how there's no LTP tonite coz i really cld do with the time, oh and for dinner with my little cuzzie and valery and my bro. haha never wanted younger sisters more than i did last nite. they're so cute and innocent and sweet! tho they nearly got us smacked by the people sitting at the next table that wasn't spinning like ours was. heh.

yup ok so it's time to work on the rest of the work tt awaits. bleah. heh.
oh and i don't know why i can't post pictures! so annoying! otherwise i'd be able to post some of the hilarious ones we took. heh

and eunice ends here :

- 5:51 PM