Friday, November 24, 2006
hmmm struck me today that life's kinda flown by me. and i don't just mean like this semester...i mean like the last 10 years of my life! amu msged me this morning to tell me tt she wasn't gonna do a thesis anymore but she's gonna publish smt by next yr instead n how it all doesn't matter coz she knows what's she's gonna do her post-grad and phD in...and she figured all this stuff out in 2 days. but she'd always known she was gonna do psych even way back then when we were in our awful green skirts and running ard the rj track in the morning before sch. i had no idea what i was gonna do back then. and my brother turns 26 today. just struck me that that's like one year before turning 27 (ok that sounds duh...but imagine urself at 27!) and he's 4 years away from being 30! man, when i turned 15, i went round telling everyone that i was halfway to being 30 and how freaky that was! and when one of his friends asked me where i wanted to work when i graduate and whether i had gone for any interviews yet, it hit me that i'm graduating in 6 months!!!!then cheryl and i kinda got to know this girl who was studying at coffeebean at the table next to us today and she's a freshie deciding between majoring in social work or psych. and hey! wasn't i there not too long ago? i'd contemplated that exact same thing some time back. but it just didn't happen. didn't quite pursue it either after realizing how nearly impossible it'd be to do a shared major. i guess more importantly, i didn't pursue it coz i didn't really know for sure what i wanted to do. so no big loss it seemed. can't remember when i gave up the thought of doing a shared major though. i just kinda did along the way. and now, i'm mugging for my 2nd last uni exams and working on my thesis at the same time. never really thought consciously about working towards writing a thesis..feels like it just well..kinda happened to me. heh don't get me wrong. i'm not complaining about any of these things. i'm thankful for how things have turned out. it just kinda feels like life's flown by me. and while i've perfectly enjoyed living in the here and now and not having to think or know what's to come in the future, it almost feels as if everything has just kinda happened to me without me knowing or being quite aware of it all or working consciously towards any of it. perhaps it's time to think beyond what time i'm gonna wake up tmr, whether to go to the gym or not, what i'm gonna study tmr.....maybe i shouldn't just let life happen to me anymore. maybe i can't live just in the here and now anymore, refusing to seriously consider what's coming my way until i'm there. maybe it's time to begin seeking Him as to what this hope and future He has planned for me is like. always believed that i cld simply trust Him to reveal it when i get there. but qt the last two days was based on Jeremiah 33:3 "Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come." hmmmmm.....
