so there's always a first time for everything, they say. i think this year's the first new year's eve i've spent at home. i honestly i can't the last time i was home on the 31st. there's always something on in church or with my cg...but this year, a combination of factors have contributed to my staying home which i'm thankful for! did the bulk of cg stuff over christmas so decided not to have a stayover as we usually do this year. plus, got home yday and was strangely exhausted, tho i slept most of the 10 hr drive back...figured out why when i finally went to bed feverish last night and woke up with a sore throat. so decided i wldn't push it and stay out tonight...heh so home it is for me this year!

i've never been the sort who enjoys the countdown or the crowds or making resolutions...but i love giving thanks! so i'm gonna do that. shall list some of the things that i'm most thankful for this year :)

1. God's faithfulness - need i say more? i think the rest of the list will testify to His goodness and unfailinng love :)
2. family! i can't thank God more for my parents and my stinky brother whom i love to bits. i thank God for the stability&security, unconditional love, and joy this family has provided all my life.
3. friends - honestly. they build me up, make me laugh, help me appreciate life so much more, and help learn more about myself, others, and life i guess!
4. ok so more specifically, i thank God for amazing people in my life like lav (u've been featured so many times here i don't have to say why u mean a ton to me :)), dhoby, andrew, ade, mich, amu, li yee, angela, ok and so this list could seriously go on and on. so even tho ur name's not here, i hope u know u matter to me! u each have a special place in my heart and i've been incredibly blessed by each of you so i thank God for your love and friendship.
5. i thank God for my cg. need i say more? haha so much has already been said. and we had our mini thanksgiving session today so u already know you're special to me : )
6. i thank God for the semester that just went by and how much He has shaped me through the friends He's placed to see me thru and how my honours year has finally made NUS count for something. haha
7. i'm mighty thankful for the india trip. it really was the best trip i've gone on with friends - c'mon man, for all the drama that went on, all the memories that will last a lifetime, all the chinning, and all else that's come out of it. seriously, almost 6 months have past and we still spent the bulk of the time today talking about it at cedele so that says a lot i guess. heh we'll take some things like nasi lemak and all to the grave lah.
8. i thank God for how He blesses me with grades i so don't deserve and how He never shortchanges :)
9. i thank God for His wonderful provision in so so many ways all my life.
10. i thank God for lessons i've never had to learn till the last 6 months of my life, for how He's been so patient with stubborn me, for how He's brought people along the way, for how He's good, and how i know i can trust Him.

haha ok so yup...that kinda sums up most things i guess. have no idea what 2007 holds but i know He's already there waiting and that i wanna keep in step with His Spirit as He leads me there. have a great new year everyone!! love lots!

brace yourself..this is gonna be one long post. haven't had the time to post anything in awhile with the numerous things that have been going on, the cards that have had to be written (and yes, i know i still owe some of u..heh), the hosting, and yeah...the list goes on. and i won't be blogging for the week to come coz the family's going up to Camerons tmr till the 30th for our annual family getaway :) i sooo am looking forward to it...nice cool weather, scones and tea, time to sleep, read, spend time with God and family...and slow down basically :) so many thoughts have been running thru my head and i don't have the time to put them all done but i'll try putting the more important/significant ones :)

hmmm let's start with what i've enjoyed most this christmas -- having my cg over for dinner on christmas eve! :) i didn't know how it'd turn out and who'd turn up coz the guest list kept changing *looks at nat...* hahaha. but it turned out great! just enough food for my hungry boys and a ton of memories that will put a smile on my face for a long long time to come (think job changing the christmas cd to immortal classics on the piano, think raw banana, think santa's workshop...oh and so many more!). had a ton of fun preparing dinner with toille and nat and tho the washing up was a killer, i'd do it all over again coz it was so so much fun and it was well worth the effort :) was hilarious how toille formed a weird kinda bond with those potatoes and watching nat scrape her cucumber empty...but alas, we managed to whip up a salad, have freshly grilled rosemary and thyme chicken, black pepper beef and mash potatoes, chocolate fondue with marshmellows n fruit, and tiramisu! oh, and thanks kel for the fondue set! we used it last nite and my kids loved it! :) i think above all else, i really enjoyed spending almost all of christmas eve with my cg and seeing different sides of each of them. and it made me realize all over again how much i love these kids. they're each so special! they never fail to crack me up, they never fail to surprise me, and they never fail to remind me why i love being their cg leader.


nat, i love ur gentle and teachable spirit, ur willingness to serve others, and how much fun u are! and how i can talk to u abt shopping when the boys just look so duh most of the time, and how ur so honest too!
cindy, i love how u stick on with things no matter how hard it gets and being so real and honest with us. you're really precious dear.
tammy, i love how u so actively bring frens to church and ur ready smile. thanks for opening up slowly but surely.
shunz, i love ur sense of humour, ur willingness to serve and learn, and how ur just so so so sweet. (and how u'd say smt lame to that. i just know it!)
ian, i love how your sense of humour too! haha it always catches us off guard. thanks for giving us a second chance.
job, i love how u crack me up, how u write me the weirdest cards/smses, how ur such a sweet brother, and how u play the piano.
andy, i love how you're so present when you're with us. come back come back!!
tai tai, i love how u too crack me up and how u show sides of vulnerability at times. i think that's special about u.
and last but not least, toille, i love how ur great to talk to on msn, how u almost always make me laugh, how ur the perfect gentleman (and the rest of the boys are catching on slowly but surely!!), how you're so incredibly sweet, how ur so willing to serve, and how ur in my cg :) (blushing yet? heh)

ohhh...and meet our new cg member - my cabbage patch baby! haha i sooo need to put up my two and a half man pics once i get my hands on them. heh but yeah...was teaching my boys how to hold a baby. was hilarious lah. oh come back soon tai and andy! we miss u guys!!

ok...not gonna write about the other stuff coz i'm kinda lazy. haha i just wanted to appreciate my cg and tell them i love them! :)

oooh so much to do, so little time!

wanna soak up the joy of christmas, wanna enjoy nice long talks over good coffee like i did with mich yday, wanna listen to all my christmas cds over and over and over again, wanna watch tv and be a slack...but there are things to do! like getting gifts (but i dread the thought of crowds in town), and writing cards (but i'm feeling ohsolazy), and planning for next year (so i'll do it while i'm away in Cameron). need to finish packing up the last bit of my room too. and paint my nails. haha i know that's frivilous but this is just my own little mental checklist. oh and i need to come up with a grocery and decor list for my cg dinner.

ooooh and of course there's the thesis to worry about. what a bummer! suppose to do interviews this hols but no one has replied and i'm secretly glad coz i so don't wanna do any work this hols..but i also know i'm gonna pay for it next sem. I really really need people to agree to be interviewed.

anyway christmas nut, i had a really good yesterday! glad we met up. :) i've decided that Curduroy Cafe will be my new meet-up-over-coffee-place at Vivo. :) everywhere else is just too crowded. anyway, loved being able to share random thoughts with you as they came. gosh....if we've known each other since j1...that makes 5 years of friendship! didn't seem that loong ago when we used to slack around in the geog room on the sofa! haha

ok i'm off to watch tv. presents and cards can wait till tmr i guess...haha i'm so lazy! but it feels kinda nice :) heh

it's been a looong day but a really good one (i'm of the opinion that all holidays are good days). spent the entire day packing up my room. mom makes me do it every 6 mths..like major cleaning and tidying of my room. and she was saying how it's amazing how i throw out a few huge bags of stuff every time i pack my room. i honestly don't know where all that stuff comes from. but i must say i'm getting better at chucking stuff. much less sentimental and able to dump/recycle/pass on stuff i know i won't use/wear/read even if its brand new :)

had dinner with caleb after all that packing then met adrian for a drink and we had a really good talk. thanks for listening and well forcing me to admit and see certain things after allowing me to ramble on the latter half of our ride home. i heard you but i don't know if i'll listen. it's scary, you know? i know it's largely just me though. but yeah, thanks for the perspective :) i owe u in more ways than one. haha so yes, u'll get a present and a BIG card if that makes you happy.

ohh, and photos from CATB are up! :) thanks mindy for taking them and farand for lending the web space. just a few that we took with the floats that were real lovely!

here's ade and i. heh i don't look so small next to her in this pic...hmm i'm probably on tippytoes.

here's my brother the clown!! haha told him he'd scare the kids but he insisted they liked him and the took a ton of photos with him...but i'm still convinced it was the candies he had. haha but i like my brother the clown nonetheless :)

and here are my girls and i. vera on the left and jo on the right. wish i had a picture of them in their dance costumes and makeup. they looked so so lovely! :) and u did well sweets! proud of u :)

oh, and did i mention in my last post how angels descended from the floats and blew their rams' horns?? that was waaaayyy cool. can't wait for the day we bow before His throne and worship as the angels do. i can't even imagine how majestic and awesome it'll be! yet He chose to leave it all and come to us. now we're talking about the true meaning of Christmas :)

i think word games have hit our youth ministry in a BIG way. haha since my cg first played taboo with the P6 girls 2 weeks ago, we've been on a roll! (though not all games have needed a dice. heh) at senior youth retreat, we played sooo much boggle in those 3 days i actually felt like i was using my brain as much as i was studying for exams....but in a different kinda way. one that i thoroughly enjoyed. then on the ferry back, we played the word game to pass time and had a ton of fun. helped keep abel and some of the other boys from being as sea sick as they otherwise would have been too. and since it rained the entire afternoon today and we were stuck indoors, we played a good 2 hours of the word game again and like another 3 hours of taboo after that. we almost finished going through ALL the taboo cards lah. i'm not exaggerating. haha i kinda wonder where floorball's gone. but it's a nice change and i love it!

so one week of the hols have flown by me already. senior youth retreat actually feels like it was awhile ago. possibly coz i was in church everyday after that to help with CATB. but being wardrobe mistress and doing make-up for the cast was fun and i enjoyed getting to know the younger girls as well as erm...heh watching some other intersting happenings/events. grin. i'm telling you lah...Dec is peak season. heh all this proximity...all this love (or attraction rather) in the air. i feel somewhat old in my spectator role but it's good fun nonetheless...haha

alright...so here are some of the Telunas pics as promised from farand's flickr site. heh for those of u who are still bummed out that u didn't get to go...no worries. we're definitely heading back again sometime soon. so enjoy these for now! : )

ok so this is what the place looks like at dusk.

and this is what it looks like in the afternoon from a lazy perspective. ask shaun, he'd know best. heh. i regret not using the hammock tho..but with water polo and boating and captains ball and beach volley ball and jetty jumps and board games...there just wasn't enough time! seriously!

and well, one of the highlights was jetty jumping which we did everyday. this was but one of the maaaany jetty jumps we did the first 2 days. by the end of the 2nd day, everyone had jumped. either alone or in pairs or in cgs or in some other group. this prob was one of the all guy jumps.

but then by the last day, people got more daring and attempted greater things and higher jumps. haha and i'm proud to say that rachel was the first to jump off this platform. so obviously the guys had to follow suit. it's way higher than it looks which the guys in the pic below can testify to..but somethings just have got to be done for the thrill of it..grin.


i can safely say that we had so much fun that on the last night...some refused to go to sleep coz they wanted to savor what was left of our retreat. so abel and some of the young ones stayed up and konked out on the jetty after they saw the sunrise. but we still had to head home...

and leave the place the way we found it...pristine. but we'll be back for more!! : ) can't wait to go back to what almost seemed like paradise.

argh toille, you're right tho. these few pics just don't do the place justice. even farand's 287 pics don't. haha oh well...

in the span of one week, i've gotten three comments in three totally different settings of a similar nature. surely that can't be a coincidence rite? but i'm still figuring it out. times like this, the Johari's window is truly applicable. alternatively, at times like this, God's clearly not done with me yet and is actively chiseling away at me and teaching me to be a better imitator of Him. heh guess even though i didn't go for camp, imitatio Christi is a lifelong motto eh?

i'll post something more insightful when i errr gain more insight. haha but i'm thankful for friends who reflect parts of me that i'm not conscious of which helps me grow and change and become more like Him. :) i'm amazed at how when the truth is spoken in love, it truly builds one up. thanks Cheryl and Mils. and thanks dhoby for asking those few, simple, but pointed questions that helped me piece together random bits of reflections and has set me thinking more constructively about things. reminds me afresh about of why i like talking to u :) lav, we so need to catch up soon. i think u'd be interested to hear coz we've talked about it before and it's almost dejavuish. haha

gosh and i still miss telunas.........all this rain back home must be the backlog of what God held back the 3 days we were there! haha

senior youth retreat was amazing. it was the perfect getaway i so badly needed and was craving for and i cldn't have asked for anything better. all of us fell in love with the place the minute we set foot on the jetty. i'm not even gonna begin trying to describe it coz i wldn't be doing it justice so i'll post pics soon. just imagine clear waters, white sand, a galaxy of stars, constant sea breeze, and an island to ourselves and that'll give u a clue : )

more importantly tho, i love how this place is completely secluded. enjoyed the break from the hustle and bustle, the rush, the emails, the work, the handphone, the appointments to meet and all that. was so much fun just playing bridge and boggle and working the mind that way. enjoyed the company and just chilling out too. and it was even better dangling my feet off the jetty or sitting there in the morning to do qt or jumping off it or worshipping on it. oh, and i absolutely loved looking down from our dorm or the walkway or the canteen or the jetty or the toilet and seeing the water glistening right below us too and hearing the waves. so so so many highlights in 3 short days which i haven't even mentioned but i'll stop here. i think that i've basically just not felt so alive and care-free in a long long time : ) still feel like i'm bobbing up and down though. haha

last night was one goood long night of fun, food, and frankness. met mils, cheryl, gerard and kenny for supper last nite and it has officially sealed them in the friends-for-a-long-time-to-come category. besides chindia, this group is perhaps the only other group of friends i've taken beyond the classroom or a project deadline and i'm glad we've come this far with each other.

somewhere in the middle of random conversation, kenny offically changed the tone of the evening when he asked us what was one thing he thought he could improve/work on. kinda took me by surprise coz i thought it was a brave question to ask and i was impressed. and so what started out as a casual question sparked off the next 2 hours of really good, insightful, honest, heart-to-heart, affirming, and some almost tear-worthy conversation as we talked about what we saw in and of each other and how we each grew in the group as we sharpened one another and complemented each other at the same time, and got to know about ourselves and each other. i think that as mil's put it, i'd finally built bridges with this group and let them in and it was precious (as cheryl's shirt read) to be able to be candid with them.

so i'm glad i did last night tho i was pretty bushed by time we met at 1030pm. only getting 3.5 hrs of sleep was worth it too. thanks guys. meant a lot. : ) you truly are such blessings!

alright...better go pack for tmr's senior youth retreat. i'm definitely psyched up for 3 whole days of fellowship, fun, kampong life, and rest at some island far off from batam. hope it makes up for not being at youth camp!!

i've officially found out what my dad's soft spot is. dresses. haha he's always wanted me to wear them. in fact, he used to try and get my mom to dress me in them when i was little but i'd kick up a huge fit or come up with a million reasons why i didn't wanna wear one...too hot/stuffy/uncomfortable/scratchy/inconvenient...whatever would get me out of one basically. (yeah i was pretty sassy back then already apparently) so after awhile, he gave up trying.

but i've grown really fond of dresses lately. heh and lav's no help of course. and so i saw 2 today that fit perfectly, were a of beautiful cut, and in colours i loved. so i msged my dad and said "i know what i want for christmas already. will you buy me a dress?" and he called back immediately and the conversation went something like this...

daddy: really? u want a dress?
me: mm-hmmm.
daddy: but u don't wear dresses.
me: yes i do. i'm in one now in fact.
daddy: really? *2 seconds of silence* ok then.
me: ok?
daddy: yeah. as long as u wear it.
me: ok! aren't u gonna ask how much it is?

heh i've tried this one other time before and it worked. he agreed pronto to buy me this other black dress with little persuasion or justification needed. and it worked again today. so i think i've found the one thing my dad will willingly give in to and pay for :)

i'm just hoping and praying they still have it in my size when i go back tmr coz they're sold out at marina sq when i checked just now. and the dress only released on shelves yday!!!

so the exams are finally, finally, finally done and over with and i couldn't be happier. well, not really lah...just glad it's over.

it's been one loooong drawn event....wait the word "event" doesn't cut it. more like season almost. one where i've learnt to wait upon Him, to delight in Him, to discipline myself and run the race to finish well, to take thoughts captive, to surrender the things i want/wanted but didn't get and learn to rejoice in His ways that are higher than mine, to deal with the fears that strike me and feel so real when they're all in my head, to live out His will within what i perceive as limitations but really are part of His will, to focus on and enjoy the journey and not just work solely towards the destination pushing all else aside, and to thank Him for the little blessings He's placed in my life to see me thru this period (esp. cheryl and mils).

but perhaps one of the biggest things i've learnt is to let myself feel and experience those emotions, instead of shutting them out altogether before i even get mildly affected or distracted.

it's definitely been draining, discomforting, distracting and painful at times. it's also left me much less focused than i usually am. instead of shutting things out as instantly and almost naturally as i normally would and remaining completely objective and focused, i've entertained thoughts, memories, and emotions as they come. and i don't know if it's a good thing or not. it sure makes me feel more female. but i don't like the whole emotional thing coz it doesn't sit well with me. yeah i know...it's another one of my categorizations where i put emotional girls in a box and tell myself i won't be like that. but perhaps that's how You made us women to be? not to be emotionally detached nor emotional wrecks, but emotional beings nonetheless.

heh ok perhaps i'm not making much sense. will find out tmr when i re-read this. heh for now, it's time to catch up on alllll that sleep :)

i'm obviously not paying attention to what i'm suppose to be stuffing into my brain. reserach readings just don't seem to wanna go in. my eyes are scanning the page but my ears have been picking up lyrics. and i must say that when u actually listen to some of them, they are laugh-out-laughable! here's a sampling of what i've taken in...

"you jerk, you jerk. you are such a jerk. of all the words, this is just the word....how come jerks don't know they're jerks?" (this one always makes me laugh)

"when you're hungry, love will keep you alive" (i think this is by far the funniest of them all)

"to the left, to the left. everything you own in the box to the left" (i happen to totally dig this song some btw)

maybe i'm just paying more attention to lyrics after mils made us listen and make out the lyrics of the horrible english version of a song this korean guy called Rain tried to do. heh went something like "take a dive/life/lie with me" but we couldn't decide what it was. heh ok back to my very feeble attempt to study for my advanced research paper. bah.

just like how there are few thigns that leave me speechless, there are even fewer things that leaving me feeling like i've been punched in the stomach.

have no idea why i feel this way. i mean i know what triggered it but it's just ridiculous. it's so odd i can't even begin to explain it..neither would i want to.

maybe it will just pass...then again...maybe it's more than just something that will pass. perhaps i'm in it more than i know/knew myself to be. keep me from becoming disillusioned and jaded, God.

oooh look what i found?? old pics that farand burnt for me after last yr's camp! haha here's a real tribute to The Unseen Battle man! some highlights and unmistakeable moments...

ok here's camp comm with wini's amazing backdrop which she made from scratch. cool stuff eh?

then this is us after wargames...at like 2am when we'd sent the campers back to church and camp comm was debriefing. by this time, we were more than exhausted as u can clearly see. and it was what...day 3??? heh

this was probably the last night..think it was free worship that went on for like 3 hours and this was probably just the start..

heh and what would camp be without photos like these...heh

oh and these are my dear girls who worked so hard they put the boys to shame thru and thru...(from left to right u have sarah, nat, jess, myself, lulu, ch'ng yi and wini)

but of course the boys didn't wanna be outdone so here's some of them...hahaha i just had to put this lah..i know i'm asking for it. heh (from left, abel, thomas, leonard, josh, timo, P sibs marci and shawn, and marci lim)

then here's mighty wini again with another of her jaw-dropping moves. heh check the marci out. hahah both P and Lim are stunnned man. heh actually all of us were.

and toille, i bet u never knew that this is how the baton gets passed on. u see...we invite u to join in our crazy post-camp activities..and the next thing, ur roped in for this yr's camp comm...heh welcome aboard my boy. proud of u! : )

last year, the day before youth camp, camp comm was busybusybusyily slogging away in church.

i vividly remember meeting after cg had ended with camp comm and all youth and teamn leaders in one of the Galilee rooms to pray and worship as we invited God to have His way in our camp, and the endless fluster of last minute camp prep after that which had some creating lanes in Bethel with masking tape, some creating a giant dice and throwing around our cool bone, some going bonkers and investing what was left of their little remaining creative juices to come up with our camp theme song cum dance to Jesus, You're my Superhero at midnight, some calling TLs up last minute to remind them to be in church by 8am for prayer before we started camp, some resorting T-shirts coz we had folks sign up or pull out of camp like the day before, and some others working in the labyrinth...and in fact most of us ended there till like 2am the night before camp...haha and through the sweat and tears, panic, crazed laughter, fatigue, and all else, what was the most distinct was the sheer amount of anticipation in each of us because we knew God was gonna show up and work in each life during camp just as He does each and every youth camp. and indeed, The Unseen Battle was one camp to remember. i've since seen the real change and growth in my cg members since then after encountering God in such a real, powerful and unmistakeable way.

and so this year, the night before camp, i sit here and reminicse and suffer camp withdrawal symptoms. haha seriously lah...i've attended every single youth camp since i was 12! so missing what would have been my decadeth youth camp is painful! but i've promised camp comm that i'll be behind them in prayer. perhaps the most active and exciting way i can be involved (besides crashing now and then..heh). oddly enough, although i'm not going for and am not involved in planning this year's camp or making milo heh, there still is that unmistakeable sense of anticipation because i know God's gonna work in a mighty way. and so i'm excited! i hope each of you are too - the games, the smelly feet, the fellowship, the loooong days, the camp food, the snoring, the worship, the bonding, the crushes, experiencing God in a whole new way....oh the list could go on! enjoy! : )

i know Your ways are higher than mine when eeleen drops by with chocolate and water when i'm studying at westcoast macs tho her schedule's tight. more importantly, i know Your ways are higher when in those brief 20-30 mins, she shares the very lessons i'm struggling to learn and how You've been shaping her, and i know You're telling me that i'm on the right track, that You really do have it all under control, and that i've gotta take control for my feelings and then surrender them to You. (oddly enough Cheryl, doesn't that sound like what dear old and well..now dead, Satir would say? at least the first bit? about owning, managing, and enjoying ur feelings? grin.)

i know Your ways are higher when i get to share the very things i'm struggling to learn with someone else who's struggling to learn why u let her go thru things that involve such difficult choices and when it's so hard to say no and accept that it's a no.

i know Your ways are higher when i struggle with the decision of whether to go for JPM or not tho i'm only half done studying for my paper the next day...then Mils "inspires" me and i "inspire" cheryl in turn to take that step of faith and obedience to put God first and trust that He'll be honored and pleased : ) and then i find out shoeee did the same last nite : ) and among other people, i bump into aunty joy as i was rushing off last night and she says she'll pray. and when she says she'll pray...i know aunty joy prays : )

i know Your ways are higher than mine when i spend ridiculously long doing ONE reading the day before my exam and not understand why the heck i was so slow but tell myself not to beat myself up over it. then when the exam question reads "select one of the articles and discuss...." there in that moment, i can but realize that You knew...and i'm amazed.

i know Your ways are higher than mine when i decide to do a very "un-eunice" thing and heck the ton left to do and take a night off. went to watch Childaid with lav and tho we both agreed that tt one concert alone far exceeded our quota of classical music for the decade, i haven't laughed that hard or that long in awhile. and i felt alive again. haha i know it sounds drama..but really. a break and stolen time (as lav calls it) with the best of company does wonders. and of course, the conversation that ensued at foong seng till midnight was even better. thanks for the night out babe : )

but perhaps, most surely i know Your ways are higher than mine when all else loses its meaning and significance in light of You, when i stop striving, when i stop struggling, and when i worship You in spirit and in truth. and it's when i'm worshipping You so, that i get a glimpse of Your ways...and then i can but conceed that...they're just still so much higher! that You are so much bigger, that You're unchanging, that You're my solid Rock, and that You're my Father! : )