so the exams are finally, finally, finally done and over with and i couldn't be happier. well, not really lah...just glad it's over.

it's been one loooong drawn event....wait the word "event" doesn't cut it. more like season almost. one where i've learnt to wait upon Him, to delight in Him, to discipline myself and run the race to finish well, to take thoughts captive, to surrender the things i want/wanted but didn't get and learn to rejoice in His ways that are higher than mine, to deal with the fears that strike me and feel so real when they're all in my head, to live out His will within what i perceive as limitations but really are part of His will, to focus on and enjoy the journey and not just work solely towards the destination pushing all else aside, and to thank Him for the little blessings He's placed in my life to see me thru this period (esp. cheryl and mils).

but perhaps one of the biggest things i've learnt is to let myself feel and experience those emotions, instead of shutting them out altogether before i even get mildly affected or distracted.

it's definitely been draining, discomforting, distracting and painful at times. it's also left me much less focused than i usually am. instead of shutting things out as instantly and almost naturally as i normally would and remaining completely objective and focused, i've entertained thoughts, memories, and emotions as they come. and i don't know if it's a good thing or not. it sure makes me feel more female. but i don't like the whole emotional thing coz it doesn't sit well with me. yeah i know...it's another one of my categorizations where i put emotional girls in a box and tell myself i won't be like that. but perhaps that's how You made us women to be? not to be emotionally detached nor emotional wrecks, but emotional beings nonetheless.

heh ok perhaps i'm not making much sense. will find out tmr when i re-read this. heh for now, it's time to catch up on alllll that sleep :)