so i got down to my first bit of real writing for the sem. had to finish my part of the draft of my 5000 word group paper and boy did i struggle. and of course my bad habits of reading and reading and reading before i get down to writing and mulling a gazillion years to get it out exactly the way i want it to are still there...so i spent way too long writing and confusing myself with too much info and losing track of what i wanted to say. bleah.

but i think that despite being stressed up about work, and realizing during cg as i was sharing that it's the last day of jan and i haven't collected any data for my thesis, i'm reminded of qt this morning. been reading Exodus and i see so much of myself in the Isrealites as they complain and grumble about this and that and seemingly forget about how God miraculously delivered them from the Egyptians and brought them thru the Red Sea and all! and i realized that hey...i say every sem that every sem's crazy and tougher than before...but every single sem, God sees me thru every single paper and project and late night and exam. so what's a thesis and an LKY module and welfare econs if He could send a strong east wind and sweep the red sea waters back all night so millions of Isrealites could walk on dry land rite?

i've got such a bundle of emotions going on in me right now that it's weird. especially since they're all work-related/inspired. or maybe not. maybe they're just triggered by work.

anyway, got really frustrated and grumpy with myself coz i've been mulling over how to write my part for my 5000 word paper all day and i still have no clue. and after talking to dhoby, i realized that i'm pretty darn screwed. can't believe i lended myself the econs part of the paper. but it's on my plate and it's gotta be done by hook or by crook. i just realized how bad that rhyme sounds. sounds so criminalish. gee. randomness never fails to strike me even tho i'm feeling defeated. then it sucks to feel defeated over work. man it's only 15%. if only it only required that much, or little, effort. then i feel bad for being a grump on dhoby and my brother who've come in contact with the grouch.

then i get an sms that someone else has agreed to be interviewed!! so that brings it up to 2 people. pathetic sounding still, but hey, i know have double the no. i've had for the past month! odd that just when i was about to throw in the towel and consider reshaping my thesis, i get a confirmed participant, a call from a friend who works in an agency who finds out i got rejected by his staff member and who has decided to fight for my case with his bosses tmr tho he's already helped me so so much, and an email to my sup from his ex-student saying his agency is willing to support my research - all in one day.

it's all giving me a headache. bleah.

i haven't had monday blues in a long time. mostly coz for the last 4-5 sems, i've steered clear of classes that are on monday or that start earlier than 9am. so i've never had school on monday. but there wasn't much of a choice about it this sem coz welfare econs was scheduled for monday morning from the start of the AY. so i headed to school today feeling rather bleah. possibly coz the last few moments on my bed last night before i fell off to sleep were spent worrying, and then telling myself not to worry, about my thesis as well as how the rest of the sem looked set to get a lot worse from here. after about half an hour of worrying and trying not to worry, i must have fallen asleep. got up 5.5 hrs later a grump.

but that has since changed and i've got a ton to be grateful for and so i'm posting it to remind myself and to tell others what a great God i have! :) ok let me tell you/me why. haha

so you see, i've been pretty worried about my LKY class..coz everyone's so old. and experienced. and wise. and foreign. but then, i had the first proper project meeting with my group on saturday and i learnt so much more about them and their country and poverty. some country-sensitive info that can't be blogged about, but essentially, hearing about how things are in other SEA countries was a real an eye-opener and it helped put things back in perspective for me.

then i spent the entire weekend trying to get readings done and get down to writing that 5000 word paper. but plans got foiled here and there...but overall, a pretty productive weekend. but despite that, i got really worried about how my thesis is coming along, or not. and how it's the end of jan and i have 2 months to interview, transcribe, code, analyze, write, write, and err, write. and how i haven't even interviewed a single person! (ok, this is not a new "worry" of mine obviously...but it comes back to eat at me now and then). but during the short break i took just before writing this, i bumped into the level coordinator and he talked me through some other possibilities and reminded me that it's merely an academic exercise and i could explore other ways of working things out. and that again helped me see things in a better perspective. he gave me a few new options and mils and i decided to pop by dr ngiam's office to run them by him. and surprise surprise, he was there! (ok, u've gotta understand this. dr ngiam's almost never around. but almost every single time we've gone aknocking with no appointment and whenever we felt like popping by, he's there! that to me, is really really one of God's blessings and wonderful acts of provision, i'm telling you coz most other people complain about never being able to get him). and he always welcomes us with open arms and spends hours (literally) talking to us about anything and everything. so everytime i go into his office and sink into his big arm chairs feeling worried and dismayed, once i sit down and talk to him, it all eases away. it's like talking to a shrink! haha but i'm reminded that it's God's way of telling me that He's provided me with the best ever supervisor who's gonna walk me thru this.

then i reluctantly trot back to the lib to do research..rather dismayed that most pple ard me are gone...then i bump into ade in the toilet and it turns out she's working alone. haha but not any more, coz she's with me now. grin.

so this has been a massively long post about various things. no time to slowly prune this post, but i guess thanksgiving just flows and shouldn't be tampered with. hahaa ok i'm just lazy. but really, God is so so good.

i think i'd make a pretty good motivator...know how they pay adam khoo like a ton of money to teach kids to work hard and all? well i'd charge half of that and probably be twice as effective! probably would only work with girls tho. hahaha let me explain...

anyway, so i'd been deliberating since last night where i should study today rite? and in the end...i stayed home. i think that was the "orange" option, right dhoby? haha anyway, knew that if i didn't have little things to break the monotony of it all, i'd be mightily unproductive. so i built in little incentives like arranging supper with farand at the start of the day (must always have the end in mind and an incentive to work towards) and painting my nails (short, focused breaks).

you see, nail painting really does take a whole lot of time and patience coz you've gotta let each coat dry and all. so, i built in each stage into my readings! i'd paint a coat after i was done with one reading and let it dry then do the next coat. by then, the previous coat would be prefectly dry! so with 3 coats on my toes and 2 coats on my fingers, i made it through like 7 readings or about 200 or so pages within the afternoon. quite a feat (feet) eh?

haha 5 more readings to cover tonight before supper and tmr's project meeting. better get down to it. with only about 2 hours before supper, glad the nail painting is done. no time for breaks between now and then already! heh but i do feel mighty accomplished today! perfectly painted nails and a whole lot of work done! grin. what good progress i've made on my thesis research, if i may say so myself. heh

so maybe, just maybe i've got a more positive thing going with the library now. it's not longer as horrible and icky and depressing and dull and cold and unkind and unfriendly and gross as i used to make it out to be. been spending a whole lot more time in there coz of the sheer amount of researching and reading that's just gotta be done. and also coz the motivation and support working with fellow thesis-sloggers is just great! :)

so obviously, i do a lot better with the company. wait, what am i saying? company is essential. can't do without it in the library for long. haha at least with people ard u and the constant little noises made, the deafening silence can't get to you! so maybe, just maybe, in my final sem, i'll make up for the years and years i've masterfully stayed away from the library. haha maybe you and i will be ok this sem!

but as for tomorrow, i'm heading to vivo. haha a great cup of coffee at pacific coffee or gloria jeans over readings beats the lib anytime! heh and according to dhoby, that's a "banana" choice. heh

sometimes i feel like throwing in the towel. i thought the cycle had finally been broken. the cycle where you continuously go round and round with those almost predictable ups and downs spiritually. and i thought that finally we could move on. but just when i thought all was well, you prove me wrong. and it hurts and sometimes it makes me angry and impatient.

then i'm stopped in my judgemental tracks when i'm reminded of what our Father's heart is like. He's always loving, always patient, always forgiving, and He always has His hands extended no matter how many times we walk away. and i realize that i'm no better. i fall away too. maybe i just conceal it better. and oh i'm in need of so much grace too...to walk right, to be set apart, and i guess the only difference between us, is that i need so much more grace to lead in love. thanks for reminding me that more than ever, i need His grace. you're special and i care about you, though i can be harsh.

it's true. really. it boils down to the company. three random events today made me realize that it essentially is about the company.

the project group
gerard surprised us by turning up for Welfare Econs today and it really made my day! and kenny's back from Vietnam...so we're a full group again...spent the entire sem trying to coax Gerard into doing Welfare with us coz it just wldn't be the same w/o him but he'd just smile...so today when he showed up, i was convinced that Welfare Econs would be a blast! then having lunch with the group (we need a name to go by i think) after class sealed it for me that my last sem would really be good coz i've got good company to end it off with! :) and of course when we were standing in the queue at the jap stall and kenny deliberately stepped on my slipper and grinned at me, i looked at gerard and said "yup...the boy's back." and he said "yeah, was just gonna say that. and that our marginal social cost has just gone up" haha.

chindia
then i happened to bump into lav in the lib today and within minutes, we came up with what has been our most promising and exciting grad trip plan so far - Latin America then California for 3 weeks. but then...(i shd have seen this coming really) my parents said no. coz it's not safe. coz dhoby and andrew aren't going. or there are no guys going with us in general. without the boys, i have no idea what my options are. didn't feel like pursuing it after they burst my bubble. sigh. anyway babe, we'll try and work this out soon k?

my cg
but on a slightly happier note, my cg's having an mid-week outing tmr! since most of us are along Bt Timah or thereabts and we decided on Venezia then dinner near by at 6th ave! then poor toille says he has a meeting in church at 7 so i asked him what's the point of coming for just 1/2 hr? and he said "it sure beats not having ice cream with my cg tho!" haha and i had to agree with that. i'm delighted that most of my kids are beginning to really gel and these informal things only help to improve things! :) so yup...am definitely looking forward to inane comments, random jokes, and a whole lotta fun tmr after a gruelling 3 hour class on Poverty.

ok so since i can't edit my posts after i click "publish post", i have to be so much more careful! that sucks. haha

but anyway, i've realized anew how being in control and on top of things is so so important to me. been feeling kinda crappy coz i'm massively behind readings that i know i need to get up to speed with...so i drive myself to get them done and the tv junkie in me is put to death instantly. and i can drive myself so hard sometimes all for the sake of how good it makes me feel at the end of it. but that's just one aspect of the many i like to be in control of. i think if there's one area in my spiritual walk i struggle the most in, it'd have to be walking and living by faith.

even though 2006 held so many lessons of letting go, i obviously still haven't mastered how to.

isn't it ironic how i'm posting this only after almost getting up to speed with my readings? haha or at least what i hope to accomplish today. and then, i'm only posting this after i've reread it twice to make sure i didn't make any spelling errors or anything. *rolls eyes at myself*

the strangest thing came to mind today right at the start of service!

trooped up to Bethel with my cg in tow about 5 mins before service started and found that most of the "youth seats" taken...and the only row that could fit all 7 of us was the front row. so we took it and settled down and soon enough, usha and band opened the time of worship with Beautiful Saviour. and it really helped me focus and prepare for myself for the time of worship...but at the end of it, nat and eleanor started whispering to each other about something and giggling. haha and no, it didn't irritate me. instead, it suddenly made me realize that that's how i'd want my wedding to be like! i'd want my cg to be sitting right in front when i walk down the aisle! haha it's like the strangest thought ever, but i could suddenly imagine such a wonderful sense of anticipation and excitement in the air. i can't explain it...i think i'm spoiling it by trying to articulate it but well lav, this is no.2 on my list of wants/to-dos for my wedding when u plan it k? haha

then it made wonder what all my cg kids would be doing in many years from now when i finally get married. haha and whether they'd all still be in church, whether they'd be serving, whether they'd beat me to walking down the aisle.....hahaha

and i realized that hey! my job with them is really nearing completion. nat and toille did such an amazing job at preparing and leading BS today. even though it wasn't on husbands and wives as it should have been, they really nailed the topic they chose to lead on. and i think that they leading BS on honoring their parents really challenged them and their peers to do so. i see that i may soon be retrenched. hahaah

on a side note, toille has decided that i offically am the perfect example of a couch potato coz i came home and had TV dinner and watched
1) a chick flick (A Time to Dance - which i insist isn't a chick flick lah...it made me cry a ton!)
2) my money increase in the near future (News - social workers pays are finally gonna head north! wohoo!)
3) a comedy (My Name is Earl)

hahahaa

haha haven't blogged in awhile. there's something about this new blogskin. it makes me real tardy to post somehow...maybe it's the more solemn colours or something.

anyway, i think a good friendship, or anything that reminds you of one, is worthy of a post. i'm sure the boy this post is about won't ever read this, but that doesn't really matter i guess.

so i smsed andrew to tell me if he was gonna meet us on sat nite...but in usual andrew style, he doesn't reply for ages. then hours later, he calls...talks/whines a bit about work, then abruptly says he'll call me back...but again, in usual andrew style, doesn't. no surprise, i think to myself. but this time, i decide to do an un-eunice thing and msg him smt along the lines of "wow, so much for calling me back" and he goes "heh" it's so typical lah. finally, his conscience probably pricks or something, and he does call me back. this time, i'm really surprised!

anyhow, what ensues is a really good, honest conversation. and i realized that i was so straight up with him and told him exactly what i thought w/o mincing what i felt or thought that it made me smile at the end of it all coz that's the hallfmark of a special friendship. although what we talked about means he'll no longer be able to support lav's and my hope of a jetsetting lifestyle, i know it'll bring my dear friend nearer back to what i've always known, and been impressed by, what he stands for. i'm glad you're a non-conformer. and willing to hear me talk at length for once about what ur usually not open to hearing was a rare moment indeed. :)

ooh i don't know why i can't put up photos anymore. i have 2 hilarious ones that i really wanna put up...but i guess they'll have to wait till something works out.

in the mean time, i'm proud to announce that i'm pretty pleased with today's effort to start working. feel accomplished coz i did several small things that have been sitting on my to-do list so that's a good feeling. oh! and i got my first interview secured! so thank God for that! :) even managed to go for a good run and have dinner with sulwyn and watch the finale of So you think u can dance? haha. wanted to watch this bollywood show but there wasn't enough time. well...at least there were still fantastic dance moves to watch! :)

oh, and if there's one observtion i've made about myself...i think i'm becoming a tv junkie. not good not good.

ok...i feel like i've finally woken up to the reality that i'm rather screwed...or will be, if i don't seriously get down to working on my thesis.

enough of this complaceny already. it's not good enough that i've tried getting contacts. i better get on my knees and pray for them to come thru otherwise my thesis, which is based a ridiculously great deal on my interviews, is gonna fall thru. i need to get those interviews and start doing them and transcribing them and analyzing them and making sense of them so i can start writing my 12000 word thesis.

i need to start dedicating my 3 free days, which really aren't meant to be free, to researching, reading, writing, and more of those three.

surely if 4/5s of all i'm doing this sem and for the rest of what's left of uni is gonna end by march, and i can merrily go around telling everyone that, then i better get down to doing some serious work. like for real. and not just talk about it.

lav's allowed herself one social engagement a fortnight! i'm like allowing myself wayyyy too many for one who has a whole lot more to do than she actually realizes. it's 15th jan. i'm half way thru the first of the three months i have to write a paper that's worth 12mcs. wake up, eunice.

ok, so that concludes a short segment of serious self talk.

wow...so apparently i have new skin! haha no, i didn't change it on my own. now that would really be new if i did, wldn't it? instead, beryl surprised me by doing it for me and not telling me. told her i loved this look but she wasn't familiar with the codes it used or smt (is that even the word? "code?") haha my my, aren't we convinced now by how techsavy i am. anyway, so this darling ex-cg member of mine figured it and surprised me with new skin! so thank u so so much dear! i like surprises :) in fact, i wldn't have begun blogging to begin with if u din set everything up for me so i cld just write and post it up. haha so thank u again!

heh for those of u reading this, bear with the fact that not everything's on one page. wld have loved for it to be that way and for u guys to be able to leave comments but i think this template doesn't allow it. heh nonetheless, swanky new wallpaper for a brand new year. :)

it's been a long weekend...but a fun one. enjoyed spending time with my cg and going for our 24/7 prayer slot last nite. and toille, i WAS focusing ok. i can multitask.

so as if spending the entire day together wasn't enough after all that trickery (looks straight at the boys) and laughter and BS and praying and all, tai and toille decided that it'd be a swell idea to have a cg outing today since we were all free. or so we thought, until we figured out that really wasn't the case. only the 3 of us were. again, or so we thought, until tai tai had to have lunch with his family. heh nonetheless, toille, cindy, n i had good fun today. sunday's are amazingly refreshing when u get to share a salmon and cream cheese bagel and a cranberry scone, and enjoy a good cuppa coffee. sunday's are a whole lotta fun when u spend it at toys 'r' us shopping for a gift for our cg host's 3 beautiful daughters. was a fulfilling day i must say!

so the first week of school has ended with all its fun and slackness. i am actually going to sch tmr to try working on my thesis. ha! tryyyy....trytrytry. oh no..it's suppose to be "dream". ok nvm...this first post to my swanky new blog ain't turning out too great.

i've found...or refound (if there's such a word) a new joy in life! walkin' in the rain! : )

it's so so much fun! if u haven't already done it lately or tried to hide away from it by staying indoors, u have NO idea how much fun ur missing out on! if u have done it, but spent the entire time cursing and swearing under ur breadth, u've done it all wrong!

i've decided that it's all in the mind.

those of u who know me well know that i have a love/hate relationship with the sun. like if i'm mentally prepared to get hot and sweat it out playing a sport or being in the sun or smt, i loooove the sun and can't wait to bask in it. but if i'm dressed up and not ready to get sticky and ickypoo, then i hate the sun and no matter how u try convincing me to walk to some nearby coffeeshop or smt, i won't budge. i'd rather starve and die.

ok, so it is with rain. if i'm dressed up or wearing slippery slippers (no, don't laugh. not all slippers are slippery. just some...like my black xcessorize pair), or wearing a light coloured bottom, or am just not mentally psyched up to walk in the rain, i get kinda whiney and grumpy about it. but then, i realized in the last 24 hours how much fun it really is!

met andrew, dhoby and lav for dinner yday and dhoby's first question was "are we gonna get wet?" so when we finally saw mr wang (who looked real sharp i must say) with 2 umbrellas, we knew we were. we also knew he probably didn't know exactly where in little india he was bringing us to which is typical. but in the rain we walked...thru puddles and thru back alleys and all. and finally we ended up at some organic vegetarian restaurant that didn't have anything indian. haha but to end the night properly, we trooped in the rain to some coffeeshop for masala tea and thosai coz the rest were still hungry before making out way back to the station in the pouring rain.

and the rain continues today! thot i had to go to sch but mils said i didn't which was perhaps the best thing that's happened today...besides sleeping in. heh so i went to cut my hair. thought there'd be no one at the hairdressers since its raining buckets but obviously everyone else thought the same. nonetheless, the walk there and back in pouring rain was ohsomuchfun! :) don't be fooled by those korean/hongkong dramas that show depressed, lonely, brokenhearted fools walking and crying in the rain. that's not what rain's for! i tell u, there's just something about not seeing a puddle, stepping into it, hearing a little splish and laughing involuntarily. it's a natural sequence! really!

then it struck me as i was merrily walking in the rain that the christian walk is much like that too - it's a lot about what goes on in the mind. like if u set ur mind to being set apart, to loving God, to choosing His way over others, to loving others, the journey is so much more fun. it can be dreaded and u can whine abt how u have to give this and that up and be a holymole, or u can embrace it and love all God has allowed and well..sing in the rain! guess that's why we're told to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength.

so go walk in the rain! roll up ur pants, grab a pair of slippers, have a huge umbrella, and thank God for rain! :)

heeelp. i'm becoming a nerd. spent a few hours in the lib printing notes for Welfare Econs...i've never been in the lib the first day of sch! i try to stay out for even the first month if i can help it. well obviously honours yr doesn't allow that.

and mils is trying to convince me to go down regularly to work on our thesis in school. how depressing is that?!? haha i know u mean well dear...but ooooh bummer. the library??

ok i'm done whining. gonna go sleep. school, and esp the lib, and esp the printing room zaps my energy. heh heh.

didn't quite dawn on me that today was the first Sunday of the year until i got all these handshakes from people whose names i mostly didn't remember and whose faces i but vaguely recognized and who wished me "happy new year!" visited my parents church today and it was a nice and refreshing change. was way odd being introduced to the entire church when my dad was doing announcements tho. haha but i think farand got it way worse. heh. during these once-in-a-blue-moon kinda visits, all the aunties and uncles who saw me growing up way back when we were in Peninsula EFC come up and say hi and gush about how i've grown and all...and well,today they had some other questions too but oh well...haha

and then it just dawned on me that school's starting tmr! and that it may be the last time i ever say that it's the first day of school coz it's my last sem before i graduate. in a desperate bid to get a little more psyched up for school, i bought myself a nice new notebook that's brown and has gold and blue and shades of both stripes on it. haha how sad is that. i guess after so so many years of school, i still can't shake off that sick feeling i have in the pit of my stomach the day before school. it almost always turns out fine, but i guess i'm just kinda apprehensive about the sem ahead (then again, i am every sem). but this time round, i think i may be spending a lot of time feeling really dumb as i struggle thru the econs in Welfare Econs and a postgrad module. haha what can i say? thank God dhoby's home!

ok so enough moping and whining. Dear Father, what do You have in store for me this sem? as i think back about the weekend of worship, this one song stuck with me from yday's worship service. couldn't possibly get harder than this though. haha it only gets harder to sing as the song goes on..not coz ur out of breath or anything..but coz of the weight of what it means.

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my hands and let them move
At the impulse of Thy love.

Take my feet and let them be
Swift and beautiful for Thee;
Take my voice and let me sing,
Always, only for my King.

Take my lips and let them be
Filled with messages from Thee;
Take my silver and my gold,
Not a mite would I withhold.

Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in endless praise;
Take my intellect and use
Every pow’r as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

Take my love, my Lord, I pour
At Thy feet its treasure store;
Take myself and I will be
Ever, only, all for Thee.

i've got so so much to be thankful for. funny really, coz as i talk to different pple on msn now, more and more comes to mind. suddenly, the verse i kinda just breezed by as i was preparing for BS last night comes to mind about "always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ" (Eph. 5:20a). perhaps even funnier was how i didn't check my email last night coz i got back real late after supper and got straight down to working on BS till 2.30am...then found out that cg time would be used for prayer. haha oh well...at least i can be thankful that....i don't have to prepare it for next week? haha but more importantly, i'm thankful that i didn't have to deliver today's BS coz a few of my cg members cldn't come today and i want to challenge the entire cg.

i'm thankful for the half an hr of prayer we had during cg today...i struggle with praying with my cg coz so often there are these long lapses of silence...or pregnant silences as job calls them. but it's something i believe God wants us to do a whole lot more of. so having a time of unrushed prayer during the first cg session of the year was great! : ) and i'm really looking forward to the 24/7 prayer slot with them and with ade. i know that as we pray, God will work in our midst, and i'm excited.

i'm really thankful for how i think God's gonna be challenging and working in my cg this year. i believe it's gonna be a year where they are each challenged to go deeper, reach out, pray more, be set apart, and hear Him speak.

i'm thankful for how the older girls met up tonight after service for dinner. haha was kinda more like supper but it was a good time of sharing. been arrowed to plan the next one..haha so yeah...i'm glad for the fellowship, accountability, and sharing of hearts and lives :)

i'm thankful for today's sermon on realigning our priorities, the responsibilities and role i have as a shephard over my sheep, and the strong and clear call that went out on the big rocks we need to settle in our lives. thankful too how God challenged me thru the sermon and thru the sharing of the girls about my giving. the call to live more simply, give more freely, and trust Him to provide.

i'm thankful for how i didn't have to bid for a single module this sem. haha and how lav and i may really agree on the same LKY module.

i'm thankful for how God's been speaking so so clearly everyday as i take time to read and internalize His Word. decided i should finally finally read the entire Bible once thru. always give up around Leviticus or so..i'm embarrassed to admit that i've never read the entire Bible once thru...so i'm determined to this year. and so far, it's been an awesome experience. remember grumbling when church first withdrew all QT material..felt so handicapped without my Encounter with God...but now i enjoy QT so much more when i just meet with God and let Him speak to me thru the Living Word. and tho i'm still kinda worried about how i'll make it thru the drier bits of family trees and laws and specifications, toille reminded me just about how Uncle Kenny's sermon on the Genealogy of Christ was one of our favourite and how we can be sure that God places these bits in the Bible for a reason...and i'm eager to let Him show me. and i think toille may be joining me on a Gen-to-Rev qt journey so i'm def glad for the company and someone to share daily lessons with :)

and i guess i'm just so thankful for how God's been speaking so so clearly in my life. :)

ok now it's time to turn in...not coz there's church tmr...i mean there is lah, just not our own service. gonna embark on visiting churches tmr since sun mornings are now free :) starting with my parents' church tmr. haha i know it'll surprise quite a few...my dad included. heh

yup, so that's my new theory. haha there's probably a similar theory in existence already or something coz there are a zillion of these kinda things...u know, like men are from venus and women are from mars and all...but this is what i came up with over dinner with jimmy and jamie. anyway, so let me explain...

ok so you know how cats aren't known to be most loyal right? whoever feeds them and plays with them gets their attention and becomes their new master. whereas dogs are known to be a whole lot more loyal to their owners and stick with 'em.

so over dinner we were talking about guys who cheat on their girl...and we started talking about The Holiday, which incidentally was also about guys who weren't faithful. so like whenever there's a new girl to stroke their egos or who better meet their needs or who are more attractive, they stray. ahahaha hence the term stray cats? ok sorry, couldn't resist that. anyway, so yeah...they're more prone to wander. and then girls tend to be more loyal and stick around a whole lot longer...even when they really really should be moving on. hence, they're a lot more like dogs (don't even try to gender this more than i have here. i don't mean it in that way.)

haha so yeah...that's my new theory. of course it can be debunked and challenged and all else. even i can tear it apart, but heck, thought it was just kinda funny. i'm sure there are exceptions and no, this ain't a personal attack in any way. haha so yeah...ok time for bed :)

was packing the last bit of my room today and came across 2 things that i found paticularly..interesting.

2 posts ago, i talked about how i remembered that when i was younger, i never quite took my parents "nos" too well. but it dawned on me while reading my prayer journal from last year that had i paid more heed to God's gentle nos, some things may be different. what amazes me though, is how He is so so patient and slow to anger when I don't take heed. so often, when i'm consumed or preoccupied by what I want, I ignore His voice or don't even hear it. yet, in His mercy and goodness and love, He doesn't forsake me. i may wander in the desert for a longer time, yet He still leads me to the promised land. what grace! (ok, this ain't the most coherent explanation of things...but it'll do for this space)

on a lighter note, i found something from secondary school! it was this email i printed out. was one of those random fill-in-the-blanks-about-your-friend kinda thing and a good friend of mine did it for me when we were in sec 4 for the fun of it. i think it was one of those "send this to 3 friends" kinda thing with questions for them to answer about u. it was done like 6 years ago but some things have actually come to pass lah! is that freaky or what?! others are well...let's jsut say age-specific? haha well i'm gonna put some excerpts of it here. :) stuff in red is me now unable to resist commenting. haha

What's one of my favourite things to do? talk on the phone and write letters (hahaha yeah, i have a huuuuge bag full of letters people wrote back to testify to that man! haha and i used to get into trouble for being on the phone all the time...but tt stopped after like..jc? haha lav, our one-hr long conversation tonight was an exception)
Who are my closest friends? michelle tan and the people u sent this to (haha yeah!! mich is perhaps the one i've remained closest to from mg over the years! i don't know who else i sent the email to coz it's not on the email. haha)
Would you say that I am funny? well...i would rather say funny with a tinge of sarcasm at times (oh my gosh...i was sarcastic back then already??? hahaha)
Am i a rebel or do i follow all the rules? Well, let's put it this way, w/o all the bull, it all comes down to, follow the rules (hahaha yeah, tt's still the way i am now ain't it?)
Who do i like right now? nah, you're too sensible to be into guys...and even if you do like a guy, i doubt you will ever admit it as of now. (hahahah i nearly died of laughter reading this. lav, i bet ur laughing ur socks off too. haha)
Where will i be and what will i be doing 10 years from now? remember i once commented that i think you would be the first married among all of us? in 10 years...you should be 26? either you are married with a kid or you are in a darn stable relationship with someone you met like...10 years ago (which happens to be...now!) And i think you would be pursuing a degree in theology or child-psychology. (hahaha ok this is hilarious. i'm suppose to be the first to get married? haha sure doesn't look like that's gonna happen...funny how my sec sch AND jc frens always thot i'd get married first tho. oh...but caroline was almost right about the kinda degree i'd be pursuing! haha)

haha ok so enough of that...it so confirms i'm old.

ok so i get these daily emails but i usually delete them without reading them coz they clog up my inbox and i'm kinda lazy to read all 3 that come in daily...but i read today's edition...and it was so spot on about what i needed to hear so thought i'd share it to testify that God speaks! :) it's almost exactly what angela shared with me about 6 months ago. totally forgot about it till i read this. well i've copied and pasted the entire thing here coz i believe it'll encourage you too! i hope it will. :)

VERSE:
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
-- Joshua 1:9


THOUGHT:
This command and promise to Joshua are also for us as we embrace the upcoming year. We have no idea what lies ahead; we only know that God will go with us if we will ask him on our journey and seek to follow his will. So this verse is not just a promise to cherish:
"I will go with you." It is also a command! "Be strong courageous, and do not be terrified or discouraged." We embrace this upcoming year as an opportunity to serve God and not as something to fear!

PRAYER:
Holy and Almighty Father, thank you for being with me as I begin this new year. Please empower me with your Spirit to greet it with passion and excitement for the opportunities ahead. Please forgive me when my own inadequacies and the unknown ahead of me make me fearful and indecisive. Give me courage to live boldly for you this year. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

a year of transitions this year is likely to be...and it scares me. wish there was some excitement involved, coz then at least it'd be worth looking forward to. haha but i don't quite feel it yet. hoping i will soon tho.

gonna graduate in a couple of months and the reality of that scares me to bits.
then with that, comes the question of whether it's time to move on to PathMakers. i'm comfortable where i am and i love my kids and what i do...but something my mom said last night struck me - that God always shifts us when we're getting too comfortable. or are there other areas in youth min God may want to use me in? and suddenly, family means so much more. and being home instead of being out all the time is an easy choice. their opinon somehow means so much more now.

while doing qt today, something struck me real hard - that with all the changes that are coming my way, some doors will be open while others will be firmly shut. and i believe that God will show me thru His Word, thru pple important to me and who speak into my life, and otherwise. and i suddenly remembered that as a kid and teenager, i hardly took "no" for an answer well. would almost always sulk and pull a long face. but my mom always says that i was taught how to take my parents' yes as yes and no as no without questioning them or challenging their authority much and that i wasn't allowed to pout for long before i got told off or sent to my room. and as i grew older, i was also allowed to make more decisions on my own as my parents began to trust me and give me more space. and i realized that they've not said no to me in a long time. but as i seek Him in big decisions that are coming my way, there'll prob be "nos" along the way and i wanna learn to take these "nos" well and trust that He knows best and give thanks nonetheless.