declaration of dependence

Thursday, March 29, 2007

so i've gone on the last four years thinking that i'd have nothing to worry about when i graduate - except work itself of course. never thought i'd have to fuss and worry about applying for jobs and writing a cv and all that though since...i'm bonded and no matter what, i'll have a job. but then we decided that we wanted to go for our own interviews before we got were issued lists of where to go, so that was the plan.

but then i missed the deadline for the only job that has caught my attention and only found out today that my online application wasn't submitted. it's entirely my fault coz i didn't check and i forgot about it while rushing to finish my thesis draft. but still! couldn't believe myself! how'd that slip by me?!

and i only realized and panicked when adrian asked if i was gonna be his colleague and it hit me then that i had missed the deadline! but he immediately set about asking his colleagues who he could speak to and helping me out with it. and i'm really grateful coz too many times has this boy saved me from various kinds of odd situations i find myself in. so thank you, mr ng.

haha who'd have thought that this random boy i met while relief teaching would turn out to be such a life-saver on so many counts. this is the 4th time, ain't it? hahaha

and so i don't know if they'll still accept my application. but joanne's right - we'll definitely have jobs, it's just a matter of where. i wish just was just...just. but it's not just just. haha ok nvm. but she's right...God, you already know where You wanna place me. of course i've gotta get down to sending out my applications and being proactive about it...but i'm reminded that i can do all the planning i want, but ultimately, it's not up to even where NCSS places me, it's where you You do. so yes, i surrender this next scary portion of my life to you. i don't even know if i really want this job....suddenly i feel kinda lost...but...

For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe.
-- Larry Eisenberg

and eunice ends here :

- 8:06 PM

when i do think about it, i'm left feeling hollow and empty inside with questions i may never get answers to.

my breathing becomes more shallow and sometimes there are tears to blink away.

wish i knew how it got like this and if it'll always be like this, but i really don't know.

am i content to not know? possibly. in fact, yes, i am, though that eats at me.

and so my rational self pushes it away, back to the deep recesses somewhere so that life can go on as usual. i've gotten so good at that.

but sometimes it comes back to get me though i try not to let it.

then i ask myself why not. figured coz i just don't have the answers and i'm not sure i want to know them now anyway.

i know i'll have to deal at some point.

i'm tempted to question.

then i'm reminded in my moments of helplessness, cluelessness and brokenness of the assurance of Your love.

You allowed it. i don't know why...but i know i'm being held on to even when things don't make sense and they aren't all that i hoped they would be.

so do you go on hoping? in what? that's the question ain't it?

coz that makes all the difference - where hope is placed.

and eunice ends here :

- 3:33 PM

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

so i didn't think i'd be posting anything for awhile but i'm sure not feeling up to work..though of course, that's not an option. so i'll set my lazy self down to it after this.

guess last night's meltdown really took me by surprise. so i battled against myself over whether to go for LCM or not. i almost didn't go coz everything that could have gone wrong on my way to church, did. so it seemed really logical not to. but i did anyway, as i would later find out why. apparently i'm not holding up so well to this stress afterall. thought i was doing pretty ok, but i was wrong i guess...

but at least i came up with an interesting theory last night while talking to ems during our 16 mins slot (haha u have to be there to know what shern put us up to): people usually only have flings over the summer/during holidays coz that's when they can deal with emotional/irrational/non-logical things when the intellectual/responsible/work-related part of them is not functioning or working full-time. haha i think the brain can only cope with either intellectual/work-related things or emotional/relationshippy things optimally, not both concurrently. it's just too demanding and overwhelming. haha ok enough rambling.

i'm just glad i went in the end. thank you, God. You knew i needed to be there.

and eunice ends here :

- 1:33 PM

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

ooooooooh!! so many things to do!! haha i've listed A-N number/alphebet of things to do by this week. and i've cancelled off but ONE item on my to-do list. there's still the referencing, qoutations, appendex, editing, abstract, coming up of tables, aligning everything, checking font and font sizes and color schemes and all that else to do. bah. of course tightening my arguments and ideas too.

it's like writing a freaking book lah, except i have no one to pay to help me with these small but oh-so-entirely-time-consuming small bits of essentials. "it's just stylistics, eunice" says my dear sup. just? JUST? haha to think i walked out of his office with such hope last week, actually believing him that there isn't that much to go. hahaha well at least i had toille's help a little last night! thanks for "relpartstats!" it's brilliant :)

so i'm not complaining. really. my head just hurts. other than that, i'm quite enjoying it. (have to lah...don't wanna regret never enjoying school till i find out how much worse working is) haha there's just sooo much to do that everything else is pretty much on hold - no more planning for grad trip and all this week. purely workworkwork in between project meetings and class. sneaking out 5 mins to just post this to show i'm still alive. haha i sure could do with some prayer tho.esp since i've not been getting enough sleep and when i do sleep, i've not been sleeping well at all thinking about this part i hadn't added in or that reference i hadn't included or something like that.

ok i know what i need. my cappuccino. haha it'll all be better with that.

and eunice ends here :

- 11:43 AM

Friday, March 23, 2007

mmm...if you could see me now, you'd see a small smile on my face...coz i realized that as i look back at my week, it's been great! haha i know i sound like i'm totally contradicting myself since the last few posts have been about how things have been pretty rough. but as horrible sounding as the past week has been, when i look back at it, i realize that it's exactly all that has happened in school this week that's gonna make me miss it. it's had all the right components!

let me explain...

i've had 3 classes this week (yes, one more than usual coz my lecturer is due to deliver in april so she's crammed her last 2 classes into these 2 weeks) and i've enjoyed them all. they've been mentally stimulating and i've been engaged and i've come out feeling like those 3 hours weren't 3 hours long at all. so that's been great. i've long complained about being understimulated in class but i'm finally being pushed to learn in areas somewhat outside my comfort zone but that still interest me, unlike ridiculousclasses which have absolutely no relevance to life like "Why calculus?" which leave me at the end of the semester bitter and much pained and still going, so why calculus?!

and then of course what's school without the bazaar rite? haha so i got yet another fabulous deal on a bag which i'm mighty pleased about! that's probably the highlight of the week. : ) i think i shall add to my list "ample shopping and good deals within walking distance of my office" when i start job-searching. haha but really, walking into school and seeing no bazaar saddens me. it means there's nothing to look forward to after class! or after a looong project meeting! or after the lib! but walking into school and seeing the stalls being set up places a little hope and healthy expectation in me. hahaha

oh, and i've the absolute best project groups! my poverty group is amazingly efficient and high calibre and for once, i feel entirely comfortable leaving the editing and finishing touches to my groupmates. and my welfare group of course, needless to say, are God's gifts to me. they're my spiritual support, social support, emotional support and hiyah...too much u can ask for in a group. haha

and the lecturers....they make all the difference to my academic life. honours yr is so different coz you're on such a different level with them...you walk in anytime and they're there willing to put aside what they're doing to talk to you, ask you how you are, and offer you what you went to them for and more. they're brilliant at what they do yet they're so entirely approachable about everything and anything.

oh! and the thinking corner, this new cafe at LKY, is now open! haha ok random point but it made me day today! got a greeeaat cuppa coffee during my break. the vanilla latte was wonderful. haha when i brought it back to class and took my first sip of it, i instinctively smiled to myself and let out a sigh of contentment and said to myself "ah...life." haha and dhoby happened to hear me so he turned and looked at me and said in semi-shock "wow...that was a profound statement!" hahaha and i said "huh...? or a deeply superficial one" haha that was one of those ad-worthy moments i tell you. it was hilarious. but man the powers of a good cup of coffee. haha i'm so easy to please it's crazy.

yeah...so snippets of my week...haha which yes, exclude the work and all...but which capture the essence of what's been the best of it. and finally, in my final sem, i can say i love school. it's finally got all the right components - i love the mental challenge, i love being pushed, i love the flexbility of time, i love the people i have around me, and i love the facilities in school (ok, just the shopping and the good coffee). but i hate the fact that it's almost over. haha oh well...guess i'll just have to savour the last two weeks of this. i hope they're as good!

and eunice ends here :

- 8:36 PM

ok so this is exactly what i've been struggling and coming to terms with lately and so i thought i'd share it coz it challenges, provokes, but proves so true. it's from My Utmost For His Highest...

AM I CARNALLY MINDED?

Whereas there is among you jealousy and strife, are ye
not carnal?
Corinthians 3:3

No natural man knows anything about carnality. The flesh lusting against the Spirit that came in at regeneration, and the Spirit lusting against the flesh, produces carnality. "Walk in the Spirit," says Paul, "and ye shall not fulfil the lusts of the flesh"; and carnality will disappear.

Are you contentious, easily troubled about trifles? "Oh, but no one who is a Christian ever is!" Paul says they are, he connects these things with carnality. Is there a truth in the Bible that instantly awakens petulance in you? That is a proof that you are yet carnal. If sanctification is being worked out, there is no trace of that spirit left.

If the Spirit of God detects anything in you that is wrong, He does not ask you to put it right; He asks you to accept the light, and He will put it right. A child of the light confesses instantly and stands bared before God; a child of the darkness says - "Oh, I can explain that away." When once the light breaks and the conviction of wrong comes, be a child of the light, and confess, and God will deal with what is wrong; if you vindicate yourself, you prove yourself to be a child of the darkness.

What is the proof that carnality has gone? Never deceive yourself; when carnality is gone it is the most real thing imaginable. God will see that you have any number of opportunities to prove to yourself the marvel of His grace. The practical test is the only proof. "Why," you say, "if this had happened before, there would have been the spirit of resentment!" You will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside.

and eunice ends here :

- 6:29 PM

Thursday, March 22, 2007

so i was told by those who've gone through it before that thesis is a killer. i guess i always knew that but never really...believed it? haha or i chose not to or something. but i'm beginning to believe them. but i think they missed something out. thesis in itself, is not a killer. it's the several other deadlines around it PLUS thesis that kill.

so i think the 5th person told me today that i've shrunk in size. which i don't mind that much haha. but it scares me a little too coz i've pretty much been eating and exercising the same as before. the only thing i've been doing differently is SITTING more in front of my laptop churning out page after page of one paper or another. how does that contribute significantly to weight loss? so i've decided that the stress is eating me up. haha

what's probably more worrisome is that i've had more panadol these 5 days than i have like all of last year! i hardly eat panadol. maybe 2 a mth at the most. but in order to put away the fever or the throbbing headache or crams (which, yes, have mercilessly chosen to plague me all in one week, one after another), i've popped those pills and tried to sleep more. but despite clocking a luxurious 7-8 hours a nite this week, i still feel and look exhuasted so quickly each day it's nuts.

what's happening to me?! haha i think my body's giving in to the stress. and it's not just the stress of work. i didn't know that planning holidays were stressful too! haha

i keep telling myself it'll be over soon (the work i mean). but after meeting with my welfare econs group and my sup to go thru my draft, once again, the end seems so far. haha but i know it's not. in 2 wks it'll all be over. 2 weeks. 2 weeks. 2 weeks. oh, that makes 6. no, just 2 i mean.

but God never fails to show up when i'm about to crumble from the tiredness and all to assure me that He's in control. kenny shared this with us b4 we started our proj meeting and it was exactly the same few verses that got sent to me today via this email thing i subscribe to. i never cease to be amazed at how God always knows when i need Him.

"God is our refuge and strength,

always ready to help in times of trouble.

So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into

the sea.

Let the oceans roar and foam.

Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!

A river brings joy to the city of our God,

the sacred home of the Most High.

God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed.

From the very break of day, God will protect it...

Be still, and know that I am God!

I will be honoured by every nation.

I will be honoured throughout the world.

The Lord of Heaven's Armies is here among us;

the God of Israel is our fortress."

Psalm 46

and eunice ends here :

- 7:28 PM

Monday, March 19, 2007

ok, so some of you already know that i'm going to Europe for my grad trip with lav. and well, to my surprise, my parents were really cool with it! well, intially, at least. guess possibly coz we'd earlier suggested South America. haha

anyway, so they were great with us going to Europe...until they spoke to their friends and suddenly, they've decided they don't want me going. oh but first, my mom woke up in the middle of the night and got really worried. and i know i can't fend off my mom's worry esp when she's got an intuition and 6th sense about things.

so yeah, i'm pissed since i've already given my word to lav and we've already been planning bits of our trip the last month or so and it's been one thing that have been keeping us going thru all the work.

but oddly enough, just before they raised their reservations on Sunday night, i was reminded during qt to commit my trips and everything beyond my thesis to God and let Him work it out and i really wanted His plans over mine, yes, even with my grad trip and living it up before i start work. then they decide it's not safe! didn't wanna pursue it when they first told me coz i was peeved and i knew anything i said wld have not been better not said. so i sat mum and tried it to not let it bug me the rest of the night over dinner.

so i brought it up again today after talking to lav a little bit about it and tried to reassure them again tonight. tried assuring them that we've got our bases covered in Paris and Italy...but i didn't go far. i knew i could stretch the truth about who we'll be meeting and staying with and all but guess what? today's qt was about being transparent, having nothing to hide, and having no duplicity. ooooooooh God....i wasn't planning on this!

and so they're still not for me going coz they just don't feel safe about it. sigh. goes back to the fact that we're two girls doing europe alone without the boys. i know where they're coming from...but it just sucks.

i don't know how i'm gonna convince them or if i'll even manage to. i'm definitely hoping i manage to. but i know that even if i do, they're not gonna be at ease with me going. and i hate doing things they're not in favor of...and so i ask them where we could go that would ease their mind and they say austraila. siiiiiigh.

lav, we'll talk more about this tmr. there's still room for negotiation with the folks. they're fine with where we're going except Paris and Italy and the traveling to/within these places. sigh.

ok God, Your will over mine. i surrender. just wish obedience weren't so hard. haha

and eunice ends here :

- 9:01 PM

Sunday, March 18, 2007

ok so finally, time to post something decent.
a ton floating around in my head so i'm gonna try making sense of it/organizing it here.

guess while i was struggling to write come up with my thesis draft (which by God's grace, i did! thank you for praying! :) ) and submit it so i could work on my 2 other papers/presentations this week, there were 2 things that kept me sane and kept me going. 2 crucial truths that stopped me from drowning in my awful self-pity and loathing about how crazy my final semester was turning out to be and how immensely far the end of the tunnel seemed. it sure felt like there wasn't an end actually. but then of course there is, and thankfully i'm learning to enjoy the journey. haha learning is the key word here.

anyway, so we're doing a sermon series on motivational gifts in church now and last week's was on the gift of exhortation. and i must admit that it's been really long since i've been gripped by what was God saying from the pulpit the way i was last sat. i was physically exhausted and spiritually dry and i honestly wasn't expecting much...felt like one of those services when you're there and you go through the motions. but God was there to meet me and speak straight into my heart which took me by surprise. says a lot about my spiritual state then eh. so it first came as a rebuke...a gentle, but clear one:

i was made to realize that i wasn't using the motivational gift He'd given me. i wasn't encouraging, exhorting, coming alongside people and doing the stuff He's enabled me to do. and i was beginning to feel the effects of not using my gift...or burying it...you see, everytime i looked at my organizer, i'd be overwhelmed by what needs to be done...and so i'd cut back on ministry...not in tangible ways..i still prepare bs and lead cg and all..but i know the difference - i'm not covering my sheep in prayer as much, i'm not meeting their indiviudal needs, i'm not being the shepherd i should be, i'm not challenging them grow, i'm not unconditionally there, yeah, the list goes on but u get the picture.

basically, i was in self-preservation mode. but i was wasting away without even knowing it.

dawned on me that although God gives us gifts to build others up, using them builds US up and draws US closer to Him. and well...the opposite is true. not using it leaves us feeling unfulfilled, dry, ineffective, and well....withered. realized that gifts aren't meant to just benefit those we serve, they're meant for us too! coz i soon began to feel this: "how come no one's coming alongside me? i need an outlet too...i need you to be there. i need someone to be there. why aren't you there?" and i was looking for people to meet my needs. but of course that wasn't verbalized. and it just festered and growed in me and ate me up. and God revealed my pathetic state of self-pity as it was. i'd stopped reaching out, i'd stopped giving, i'd started feeling sorry for myself and discontented, and i'd gotten bitter. and my eyes were on myself and my state instead of on my God and what's most important to Him. what a slippery slope that was.

and then He spoke words of comfort and encouragement after showing me the state i'd gotten myself in. and i realized that only He can satisfy. only He understood me perfectly, only He could comfort me, and only He could provide. and all i had to do was draw close and be satisfied in Him alone - not what people or circumstances can offer. and possibly for the first time in my life, Psalm 23 spoke deeper than it ever has.

"The LORD is my shepherd, i shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores me soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even thoguh i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
i will fear no evil,
for your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me...
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever"

and therein, i realized the secret of it all. i needed Him and only He could be all i needed and more. if i want my cup to overflow out of the blessings and goodness God's showered in my life, i have to be continually filled and satisfied by Him and poured out so that i'll constantly experience more of Him in my life. coz but by not giving, i unknowingly cut off the flow of blessings from on high. no wonder i was dry and withered.

and so i was challenged to use my gift, to serve, to do what God's gifted me to do even if i didn't feel like i had the capacity to. and boy...it's made all the difference in the world when i chose to despite feeling inadequate. and in my brokenness and woundedness and inability, in the littlest of ways, the more i gave, the more i received, disproportionately more! and indeed i've been able to say "my cup overflows. surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

even when the going got tough and i began to grow physically weary and tired, one thing Dhoby said struck me and helped keep me on track. He reminded me that God's holding on to me. and that was all i needed to know and hold on to. coz then i was assured once again that "i shall not be in want...(that) he restores me soul...(that he'll) comfort me"

what more can i ask for?

and eunice ends here :

- 12:22 PM

Thursday, March 15, 2007

haha ok so apparently it changes everytime you put a new submission so i tried again coz it's that time of the day when i'm getting bored and unproductive. anyway, so i put in my name again but this time, the e wasn't in caps. and this was what came up:

eunice --
[adjective]:

Benevolent to a fault

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

thought it was hilarious coz it reminded me of this random guy i walked by during Open House. he was helping out too and i think he was student rep for English or Lit or smt and he looked at my tag which said "Social Work department" and said, "i knew you'd be from social work! you have that face!" i stopped in my tracks, looked at him and said "riiiiiight." coz i hate it when people say that. so the girl next to him said "wahhh can you hear the sarcasm?" haha she really cldn't be more spot on there but he quickly jumped in to say "no lah, like if i'm some delinquent or something, i'd go straight up to her and talk to her and i'd be a real good boy after that! you know? she's just got the kinda face social workers have!"

haha i walked off laughing coz this guy was hilariously random. but i left with 2 thoughts: either this guy obviously doesn't know what a delinquent's like and how one thinks since he's probably far from ever being one, or maybe, just maybe, probabtions might really be something i should go into. applications are open i hear.

oh well...anyway, one day i'm a tuna tin stealer, the next day i'm benevolent to a fault. hahaha ok back to thesis writing. baaaah.

and eunice ends here :

- 3:51 PM

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

ok so since there's no time to blog, i thought that at least this was entertaining!
got it off lav's blog and decided to try it. heh you should too. it's hilarous!

so this is me apparently. haha

Eunice --
[noun]:

A person who likes to steal tins of tuna

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

and eunice ends here :

- 5:30 PM

Friday, March 09, 2007

so i've toned down on blogging a fair bit...for 2 reasons i guess - there ain't much to talk about when u spend the entire day for 3 days straight in front of ur laptop surrounded by stacks of notes and do nothing but attempt to cough up a decent 12000 word thesis draft. and secondly, coz i've been writing so much already, the last thing i wanted to do was sound coherent and like i have it together on public space. haha

but yes, i am learning to count my blessings. proud to say i've been less stock market-ish! guess it's as simple as asking God for grace and strength and joy to face each day even though i'm inclined to groan when the alarm goes off and grunt when i roll over and see my laptop and messy table beckoning and grump when i'm stuck after many hours of working and re-working something i've already re-worked. heh thanks for asking, those of u who have! :)

and i think i'm finally convinced of the importance of incentives and intentionally injecting "perk-me-ups" each day. it really does help prevent dimishing returns from setting in. it's sneaky really coz when i stop for a break, i don't actually feel i need it. but when i return to work, i'm much faster. so that goes to show i need of a break tho i'm not always aware of it. so wed was dinner with farand, yday was cutting my hair (which didn't get done coz suddenly the rest of gombak decided they wanted 2 cut their hair too..so ended up having tea with the brother which was nice), and today was popping out for a bit to do a little bit of shopping. haha

so i'm gonna try keeping optimistic and focused on what's done. like patting myself on the back everytime i finish writing like section 2.1 or 2.2.1. afterall, i am taught to “be joyful always; to pray continually; to give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will” for me (1 Ths 16-18). I am also taught not to be “anxious about anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, (to) present our requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Ph 4:6-7)

and eunice ends here :

- 7:38 PM

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

i hate feeling like it's not good enough. worse yet, i hate feeling like i'm not good enough.

i hate feeling like it's beyond me. but then, so much is.

so many questions, so many thoughts, so many doubts. not sure i want answers. not sure i want to know.

some days, it just seems so much harder. somehow, you never quite measure up.

but by whose measure?

times like these, taking captive of my thoughts has never seemed more important. or more difficult.

so i sway. but i'm held fast. is that all that matters?

and eunice ends here :

- 2:14 PM

Sunday, March 04, 2007

it's been one crazy weekend alright. it has seemed incredibly long but i know it really hasn't been. think i really overdid it yday though...i could feel it but i tried to ignore it...my body obviously couldn't so now i'm officially sick with all the flu symptoms in tow. well, for all it's worth, i managed to do an insane amt of things yday - play 2 hrs of floorball in church, do 2 interviews in seng kang, rush back in time to attend service with my cg, have dinner with the older girls at ade's and play a bit of cranium, drive home from church (yes, this is big for me coz i've NEVER driven home coz it's way too complicated but i finally did on my own! well not quite on my own coz my steady direction guide was there! haha thanks again big ngoh!), have a really goot talk and catch up with farand, and veg out a bit in front of the tv b4 falling into bed. haha woke up 9 hours later aching n feeling like crap though. probably the combined effect of playing floorball for the first time this yr and being sick. haha and maybe age.

anyway, i think what's even more amazing from the weekend is how God's spoken so clearly about so many things through such diverse ways. it's too hard putting it all down here but i'd be glad to share with you one-on-one if we get the chance to! :) but the gist of it is that i've been reminded again of my calling to be a cg leader, what that means, how great that responsibility is, how i want my heart to become more and more like His, especially for His sheep, how i want Him to be glorified in my life, no matter the wordly state i'm in, and how i want my life to continually be surrendered to Him in every way. i thank God that He's not done with me yet, that His grace abounds, and that He doesn't grow tired of me or give up on me. so i'm not so sure what some of what He has spoken means exactly, or how it's gonna play itself out, but i know that You'll make straight my paths and i rest in that promise.

oh! and for a small thesis update: i've finally finished my interviewing process! i've less than a month to write my thesis and i plan to finish my draft by this week. haha i don't know how and i actually doubt i'll manage to pull it off...but i know You'll see me through. i really don't feel up to it and i know i'm gonna struggle and be stretched to a whole new level....but i know You'll see me through. Make Yourself so so real and present Lord. I need You, i do.

and eunice ends here :

- 4:48 PM

Thursday, March 01, 2007

alright...so i've decided that for all the talking i've done about not liking my procrastinating, i'm actually not so convinced myself. dhoby pointed out last nite that i'd been saying that i've been an icky procrastinater for the past 2 yrs! i didn't quite realize how long i'd been complaining about myself for...haha but then my rationale/feeble attempt at defending myself was that i only suffered intensely for a couple of days or maybe weeks...but it soon went away. and i got the job done. and the pain was quickly forgotten...since i really do have a very selective memory and a short term one at that. haha so maybe i'm not all that adverse to my last minuteness. though it irks me when i'm suffering badly for it coz it makes me feel like i've mismanaged my time. but then i feel awfully accomplished after im done and i treat myself to a mani/pedi or some shopping or catching up with someone and all's good! haha gee i've almost engaged myself in a chickenandeggish argument!

anyway, today was a fine example of how i actually like working against time. got to school early, or the library to be precise (yes, i'm a frequent library-er now in case u didn't know) and after doing qt and all, realized i had hardly any time left before i had to run off and see ngiam. so i was dead focused and pretty intense for a good 2.5hrs or so and got my act together before seeing him. spent a good 1hr-ish talking to him (yeah, kept pulling him back to answer my precise qns coz i cldn't stay long), had a really good discussion, and left in a hurry to get my stuff frm the lib, rush off for a briefing, get software installed in my laptop, pick up lib books, and hitch a ride frm mils' mommy. haha so i feel mighty accomplished today! guess i'm just pleased to have crossed so many things off my to-do list. oh and yes, i'm very very thankful for how my thesis is working out conceptually. and my sup's pleased too so all's good for now! thanks for praying guys. :)

anyway, so i think i need to work out proper incentives and work within tight time constraints to maximize my productivity. hahaha i'm gonna try again tmr. :)

and eunice ends here :

- 8:13 PM