declaration of dependence

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

contentment.

i think that best describes how i feel about my life right now.

went for a long walk with ade on sun nite. we "orphans" (yeah, sul, toille, my bro and i are home alone. our parents are all overseas. and ade had no dinner at home so we included her in our orphan gathering) went to Karu's for dinner and boy was it one fantabulous dinner. anyway, with free flow of papadum and briyana rice, we obviously all left too stuffed for our own good. but that was one goooood dinner that left me extremely contented. : )

and as we went out for a walk after dinner and started talking abt everything and anything, we got onto the topic of contentment. and we decided that we both are as contented with life as we cld possibly be. work's not killing us, we enjoy it, we only stay up and out late now if we're meeting friends and not coz we're stuck in sch or working on some essay....ministry's been exciting, our kids have been growing and we're really enjoying...life!

and even though it was pouring cows this morning and i had no idea how to get to work, God proved to me yet again that He sees and knows my every need : ) got a lift to work from Hui Shan! haha and she got caught in a jam so i stood in the rain for about 10 mins but i loved every minute of it! seriously! when was the last time you stood in the rain and enjoyed it? had an umbrella of course and i kinda just hid under it and watched the rain pour down. and i realised that's how life is when we stay close to God. ur safe and sheltered from the storm. : )

hmmm ok better get back or started on work. haha oh and did i mention that my new milk frother is the most amazing gadget from ikea?? it is soooo cool.

and on another random note, i have mutant army ants in my office. seriously! i left my mooncake skin piglet in my office wrapped up in its plastic bag and basket and all yday. and this morning, i find a trail of ants leading right up to it and i realised the ants gnawed their way thru the plastic bag and bit off a chunk of my piglet's head!!!!! how scary's that?? and i feel bad coz i've killed so many ants this morning. but it's ok. i rationalised with my colleague that i've sent them on an express route to heaven. haha okok i really ought to get back to work.

and eunice ends here :

- 10:06 AM

Monday, August 20, 2007

what makes the ordinary, extraordinary, i sometimes wonder?

then other times, when the going gets a littler tougher or bumpier or less exciting, extraordinary momentarily ceases to exist in my vocabularly.

"how's your week been?" or "how're you?" is answered by the normal pause and then the feeble "oh, it's been ok. busy as usual i guess"

but gah. what a weak, diluted response! it's like drinking a teh bing xiu dai gone seriously wrong. (but not as wrong as the salty one i had at 834 tho...heh)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love...JOY.....etc. so where has JOY gone?

then i realized what's gone wrong here. it's not coz there's a lack of joy or a lack of reason to be joyful, but i think simply coz i lose sight of simple truths - like the fact that I've a God who died for me, who loves me unconditionally, who blesses me bountifully, who smiles on amd at me in my silliest and crappiest moments, who desires that i be whole and that i live life to the full, who delights in me, and oh the list goes on. funny how easily we forget the simpliest, yet most foundational of all truths.

as i sat to think about it this weekend, i realized what the greatest difference being a Christian has been for me - that my hope and joy and confidence about the present and the future are really not conditioned by present circumstances.

how ordinary extraordinary is in reality - coz it's right there every single moment : ) how extraordinary is that!

so, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

and eunice ends here :

- 2:36 PM

Sunday, August 12, 2007

i've realized something this weekend. that i couldn't be more thankful for where God's placed me at work and in ministry.

i'm glad i'm not doing direct practice coz i'm not sure i'd be up to it or if i'd have the energy to work with youths everyday. coz they sure have the propensity to suck the life and energy out of you. haha but they have the potential to make you realize what life's all about too : )

i'm even gladder (heh i just made tt up) though, to still be serving in youth min. coz even though that's possibly the only place my heart has been broken and where i find myself at a lost of what to do or i'm just drained at the end of a long weekend, it's probably also the only place right now where i'm happiest and most contented in and excited about, especially when i see God at work.

so "why are you still not giving up?" you ask?

oh trust me. i ask myself the same question at times. but i guess only coz Christ first loved. and He continues to love. and coz i know that if only i can point you to Him and to see things through His eyes, that my job is done and that i wld have made a difference. but i'm learning that that so doesn't come easily. my heart breaks when i see you struggle and when you say the things you do. yet if mine does, what more God's? oh child of God, if only you could see and understand...

yet God knows i need the encouragement to go on...and He faithfully provides it. had the privilege of catching up with various ones over the weekend whom i havent had the chance to in quite awhile coz of work and all...but oh how my heart is overjoyed at what God's doing in each of ur lives, at how you've grown, at how far you've come and at what He's continuing to go. andrew, beryl, qiu yun, aggie....the list goes on. you make my heart sing!

so as i head back to work tmr, to the craziness of the week...i look back on the weekend, all the more aware of how i want to make the prayer of Jabez my own.

and eunice ends here :

- 9:39 PM

Monday, August 06, 2007

more vulnerable than apparent...

more hopeful than in awhile...

more open than before...

but as distant as ever.

thus seeming resilient and unphased, poised and unshaken, unaffected and strong...

but oh so wrong.

so run into the arms of the One who is Love, and be reminded that His definitions are far different from ours.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

for...

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Oh teach me to love, God. Teach me to "Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly."

and eunice ends here :

- 4:21 PM

Friday, August 03, 2007

heh mid-day rambling.

just finished meeting with my bosses...and as expected...i left punctuated with a few more huge gaping wounds from the arrows shot at me. it really seems like for as long as i'm alive at this job, i'll get shot at. and so unambitious, self-preserving me has decided i don't ever wanna get promoted coz i've seen my colleagues who've just gotten promoted lose all semblence of a social life overnight.

so yeah...more work. things that i was initally set on have been packed away for now coz more urgent things need to be done.....i actually quite enjoy doing the things i'm doing i suppose? keeps me sharp mentally and it's really quite a sheltered environment as i sit and write research papers and all. haha actually, i don't know if i'm trying to convince myself or if i really feel that way. but yeah...

anyway, i can't wait for the weekend. i need sunlight. i need a break. i need change.

actually, every small little thing now makes a difference and has the potential to make me happy. like changing tables. or being able to wear jeans to work. haha i'm strange. and not very coherent. boy oh boy. 2 hrs till i can get out of here. and it'll be the first time i'm leaving work on time! yipeeeee.

ok till then...back to work on my children's trends paper.

and eunice ends here :

- 3:48 PM

Thursday, August 02, 2007

how time fliiies.

hardly have time to blog coz there just isn't time at work. and by time i get home...i'm usually too tired. heh. but i've got a couple mins before lunch so trying to keep my blog alive.

anyway, back to about how time flies....just occured to me that today officially marks my being on the job for a month! can't quite decide if it seems longer or shorter than that...but everything just seems to be moving so quickly i can hardly breathe! just as i think one project's out of the way, something else comes up or something that i thot was settled resurfaces and i need to provide more info on it or something to another dept tt's now handling it or something or other...so when i finally went to my boss at 7.30pm yday and asked if she expected me to get a particular piece of work done by our wkly update session today, we realized that there actually wasn't a timeslot penciled in for me to meet her! and that's when i realized that our weekly update sessions were only planned for a month! and that as of today, we're no longer scheduled for them!

so yes...that's how i realized i've been here for a good long month. anyway, the good news that came out of that is that i got an extension for that piece of work till tmr (haha how significant eh? not.) coz i've been swarmed with other more urgent and important things. haha. guess it's also good that i've not had any dinner appointments schedule this week...was so tired last night after getting home from work that i crashed out at 1030. heh

so yeah...think i'm getting a hang of this new lifestyle....i try my best not to work too late or to bring home work (tho i've done both this wk!). haha

but boy am i thankful for colleagues!
oh, my room mate's last day of work was yday tho...was really sad to see her go coz she's made me feel so comfortable at work and in our little room. so i'm all alone in here now. :(

oh..and talking about new routines! went to the gym during lunch break with candice yday! that was fun! heh rushed but fun. think we might do it twice a week from now...

okok lunch time.

and eunice ends here :

- 12:49 PM