haha i suck. it's been more than a month since i last posted anything.

just haven't found the time to do it. and i think this is the first time i've been on the computer on a weekend since i started working...heh guess coz it's also the first time i've been home on a weekend since goodness knows when.

so i finally understand what it means to have a lazy saturday...feels pretty nice for a change...rather than the full day in church playing touch then lunch and having cg and going for service then hanging around till late...

so since i've officially been on the job for 5 months and i'm gonna be confirmed next week, figured it's time to kinda take stock of it all. realised a couple of things...

1. despite how much work there is to do in the office, i feel like i'm not thinking as hard as i used to when i was studying. i miss doing research, being able to spend hours reading and synthesizing stuff and writing and thinking and yeah...work's just alot different...there's always an endless list of things to do and i guess coz the demands come from all over all the time, there's less time to really think. u've just gotta do do do. so working hard ain't the same as thinking hard.

2. and working hard without thinking hard is an easy mode to slip into. it's productive and efficient...but i'm not convinced i'm giving my best. so i've decided that i definitely wanna change that. i don't know how but i wanna be spending more time doing research and reading...haha but where the time to do that is gonna come from at work, i honestly honestly don't know.

3. and i guess then coz i've not been as analytical and critical and sharp about things as i used to be and coz there's less time to think, i've become less self-reflective.

haha so work can be degenerative!!! wanna break out of that...don't wanna just cruise on auto-pilot anymore...think that mode's encroached onto other aspects of life like ministry and keeping up relationships and all...i suppose i really miss being excited about things...about challenging and being challenged...about knowing where i'm headed (then again, i never really do know coz i mostly go with the flow...).

so i'm going back to a place where i "re-find" my passion, my direction, and my purpose...sounds like some big overhaul but no...really it's just stealing away to be with my Father so that my compass may be realigned and my feet planted in the right direction... : )